How did I become a mum?

You know as this new little miracle grows in my womb I start to think back on those early days with Cooper and I start to panic..... I don’t remember anything I did, what did my routine look like? How did I manage to know what he needed and when and how in God’s name did I stay on top of the housework?

How did I know that Cooper had wind, reflux, teething, was eating enough or was hot, cold or slightly constipated? How do you go from having held a baby only a few times in your life to knowing exactly what to do the moment he or she is placed in your arms for the very first time, with absolutely no fear?

The truth is the mother instinct is so strong in some that you just know. For me I felt like I had been a mother for years after the first week of Cooper life. I didn’t remember what it was like not to have him to care for or love, and that was OK by me, because once I held him in my arms I knew my life before he had been born was not whole.

 I remember taking him to the Doctors and being told by 3 separate Doctors on 3 separate days that he did not have a chest infection, but I persisted until finally someone agreed, I remember saying “I do not care that my son seems happy enough right now, he is not himself, he is extremely unwell and he needs medical attention”, and what do you know we spent the night in hospital with suspected pneumonia.  Its true mother does know best and don’t ever let anyone tell you any different. No doubt I have had help along the way, I have leaned on both my mother and mother-in-law for advice and having such a wonderful mothers group has been a blessing in the weeks where I didn’t think I could cope any longer, but in essence I have always done what I thought was the right thing to do based on pure gut instinct.

So now I stop to think, it doesn’t matter how many books you read, how hard you try to remember what you did last time, or how many mothers you speak to, Motherhood comes naturally, as you’ve read for me this was the case with Cooper and suddenly all the fears I have about not remembering what I need to do once this little one arrives have flown away and I know I will be the best mum I know how to be, just like I did the first time.

Rushby number 2 @ 13 weeks

nausea, nausea and more nausea, oh and throw in a side of exhuastion

It's early on in my pregnancy..... The very thought of food makes me want to throw up. The smell of it cooking, the taste, even the mere look of it is enough to make my stomach churn. I don't remember it ever being this bad when I was pregnant with Coops, and I certainly don't remember the need to actually throw up.

This time around everything seems different (in a harder kind of way), morning sickness struck early at 4 weeks 3 days, and from 7 weeks I started throwing up, not in the morning mind you (I bet my life savings that a man came up with the term morning sickness), it was evening sickness and it would strike anywhere after 2pm. It wasn't just the throwing up that seemed worse this time around either, I don't know if it is because I have Cooper to chase around after each day at work or if it is just worse this time around, but come the end of the day and I could fall asleep wherever I lay my head, literally; In the bath, at the table, on the floor or in front of the computer.

These things combined resulted in unproductivity around the house that rivalled the laziest of housewives, and my dearest hubby was left washing clothes, scrubbing vomit encrusted porcelain in the bathroom, vacuuming floors and feeding and bathing Cooper most nights. I felt bad for Simon, but mostly I was just thankful, being this sick was no fun and nothing I did would make it better. I tried every old wives tale, ginger tea and biscuits, nibbling on a dry piece of toast before getting out of bed in the morning, small frequent meals, nothing helped, I was doomed to be ill and exhausted forever!

They say only girls can make you feel this ill during pregnancy, they say that a baby girl sucks all the beauty and energy from their mother for themselves during that first trimester, I know only time will tell, but right now I'm thinking I'm going to have the words most energetic and beautiful girl welcomed into this world around April 27th 2013 because I don't remember ever looking or feeling as bad as I do right now!

Both my parents and in-laws have been wonderful these first few weeks, coming down to visit, entertaining Cooper while I take a much needed nap and helping with some housework Simon is not so great at, washing windows, mopping floors and scrubbing skirting boards and removing sticky finger prints from cupboard doors, walls and table legs.

It's now been 13 weeks and 4 days and although the exhaustion seems to have subsided, the nausea is still kicking my butt - however with the start of the second trimester comes a new optimism, I'm sure things are on the up, I just can't wait to get there!!!

and a baby makes 4....

I decided that I had indeed taken things too far in my TTC journey when I realised I was planning tomorrow nights romp in my head as I lay in bed post coitus with my feet up in the air in the hope that gravity would help me fall pregnant. Or, when my hard working husband cracked a beer open and I bit his head off because his swimmers would be drunk that night, I was indeed completely irrational. It was time to step back from Dr Google and put down all the books and information and just wait and see.

I thought about discarding my OPKs and charting and just doing it the old fashioned way, by humping it out as often as my husband could take,  but the control freak in me just couldn't. It's in my obsessive compulsive nature that I am organised and informed and the thought of leaving it to chance and missing my most fertile window kept me testing and temping.

Telling people you're trying.

As I'm sure many women will attest, the responses after telling family or friends you've been unsuccessfully trying are hard to take. Most will firstly tell you to "relax and it'll happen", and it's with a response like this that I have to restrain myself from punching them in the mouth. The other response is something like "Well, at least you have one child. Lots of people don't even have that". They are right, I do have one beautiful baby boy, we are incredibly lucky to have been blessed with him. I am thankful everyday for him. I am also aware that in the big scheme of things trying for a few months unsuccessfully is not a big deal, but the idea of only having one child was heartbreaking. To think that we would never have a sibling for Cooper ripped my heart out, hopefully that will never be a reality, but those thoughts as irrational as they may seem will always creep into my head the second I see a negative test.


It's a funny thing - with a first pregnancy it's all very secret, very few people tell anyone that they are trying the first time around, not to mention the 12 week wait to announce it all. The second time around however it seems far less secretive or private and it's easy to talk about with your closest, most non-judgemental friends. In fact, I honestly believe if you can trust you friends enough to confide in them without feeling that overwhelming pressure telling your families may bring it can be a huge relief when you find that you are struggling and need a shoulder to cry on for support.

Could it be Positive???????

It was cycle 5. We'd been given the all clear from my Doctor 2 weeks after my surgery to try again. We weren't expecting much this month, given all that had happened I was almost certain we wouldn't fall pregnant until after our trip to Hawaii (two months away). Simon played his last game of football for the season on Saturday the 25th of August, after a terrible season and a terrible month and a half I decided that I was going to go out and enjoy a few drinks (having not had a drink for so long I can't even remember) with my Hubby after the game. My conscience told me the responsible thing to do was to take a pregnancy test just for peace of mind. Simon was still in bed and as I tested and I had no intention of waking him to see a negative result. After I washed my face I looked down at the test, was that a second line? I stared at the test, holding it so close I could smell the urine. There was a second line. I screamed and told Simon to get up, he didn't, just replying "what?" I begged him to get up to look at the test, he looked at me and told me to calm down and bring the test to him. I was shaking, I could not believe there was a second line there. Simon looked at the test saying it is very faint ..... he didn't understand the concept of a line being a line, and kept telling me not to get my hopes up and that he would reserve all excitement until a doctor had confirmed it - how I loved my level headed husband, but as the line got darker I could see the hope in his eyes. To get a second opinion I took a picture of the test and sent it to my best friend - and her simple reply of "yep your pregnant" brought on another wave of tears!

Still shaking I get Cooper up, get him dressed and head to the chemist up the road to get more tests. I took seven tests in all ($47.00 worth in total), all revealing positive.... I sat down and cried, I could not be happier and once I composed myself I called my doctor and he agreed to see me straight away given my recent complications and past thyroid results.

I think my doctor was almost as excited as I was, he was very quick to congratulate me and told me there was no point in confirming it with a blood test seeing as though all seven tests were clearly positive, but took blood to run all the normal pregnancy related tests and to double check on my thyroid activity.

The next 3 days took forever, just waiting for the test results and in the end, and in true Helene and impatient fashion I called him. It was good, no wait, it was GREAT news. All my blood work came back clear and my thyroid levels were completely normal. Simon had no choice but to be excited now and I promptly did a little happy dance around the lounge room!

Keeping it secret was hard - I wanted to shout from the roof tops, post all over facebook and call every one of my closest friends - but I didn't, instead we opted to tell our parents and our closest friends but no one else until our ultrasound at 12 weeks. However is his excitement of being a Dad again, Simon couldn't help himself, spilling his guts at work, which meant it wouldn't take long for word to spread through my work place (the down side of working in elite sport in Canberra - everyone knows everyone). In an attempt to save my boss the embarrassment of finding out via the sporting grapevine I decided to confine in him and our administrator.


At what I thought was 12 weeks 3 days I headed off with Hubby and Cooper in tow to meet our new baby. Within moments we were given the news we were actually 13 weeks 3 days along and the baby was perfectly healthy!

The wonderful world of Toddlers

It's been a while since my last entry. It's been a busy month. recovering from surgery, planning a family holiday to Hawaii, work and looking after my family have kept me very occupied! My little baby boy, is now unequivocally, without doubt a cheeky toddler, and a funny little one at that. He is strong willed, bold and has his mothers batty personality. Like me, Cooper has developed some unique idiosyncrasies, including the need to put everything he plays with back exactly where he found it, or when he has finished with his food, he will pick up any little crumbs or left overs and place them back into the bowl so his tray is clean. I'm sure though like many things, that this is just a phase, and soon enough he'll be dropping his clothes, towels and toys on the floor only top be harped on to pick them up and leaving the table with his plate, knife and fork behind for his mum to clear!

It astounds me how quickly toddlers decide that they no longer need their parents to assist them to get things done. Now Cooper is walking, climbing and insisting he feeds himself he need only point at what it is that he wants, grunt or make a sound that sounds something like the name of the object, I get it for him and that's that. Not only that, but just recently he will tell me "no, all done"when he has finished with whatever it is that he was eating or drinking. He cheekily tells me "shoosh" and puts a finger to his lips when  we get ready for a nap  and don't even get me started on the dancing that takes place when we put the iPod on.

It is these moments that make being a mum (or dad) the most precious gift in the world.  There is nothing that can describe the joy that comes with watching your child develop, learn and play, especially when they discover something new that their ilttle bodies are capable of.

Cooper has recently discovered jumping. It's the cutest little site to see. He swings his whole body in a motion with his arms but his feet don't ever leave the ground, whether it be jumping into a pool or just at home around the house - but the grin that follows is priceless.

Development wise I was told recently that  by 18 months old Coopers vocabulary should be somewhere between 10 and 30 words, naturally when I heard this I panicked. Cooper although communicating what he wants well, through pointing and understanding when you ask him to pick up his toys, or bring you a specific book, he does not have 10-30 words. After speaking to Coopers child care educators they assured me Cooper was developing perfectly and that this kind of goal just creates more guilt and panic amongst parents, and it's not like we don't already put enough pressure on ourselves. Cooper, like most boys is a physical little thing, able to catch a ball, throw, kick and run as well as any 2 year old. He has developed his motor skills at a rapid pace and as such I suppose his verbal ability has come in second. Some research suggests that children fall into 1 of 2 categories, physical or verbal early on but eventually even out over the next 2 years. I suppose we will just have to really focus on reading with him if we hope to have 30 words by December!




Cooper and Simon reading a book

Another BFN and a hospital trip

With the second cycle the anticipation of testing and the 2WW wasn't so bad, and the thought of the sting of another negative test didn't seem so painful, in fact after the first I decided I should choose to expect it rather than sitting there watching the pee stick with hope for two pink lines, instead I would leave the room and choose pessimism, knowing that only the one line would show up - which for me is a far cry from my usual positive outlook on life.

One the 2nd of July I started experiencing some mild cramping followed by a small amount of spotting, I was convinced (or I should say rather hopeful) it was implantation bleeding, but was shot down pretty quickly when I posted the below image of my chart and asked fellow trying to conceive mums on the bump.com, with almost everyone saying that 5 DPO (days past ovulation) was too early for implantation to occur and it seemed highly unlikely that I would have even ovulated yet given I hadn't really seen a surge in my basal body temperature (BTT) They may have been right, it seemed that this month my body decided to change the goal posts and rather than ovulating on CD 11 as in the previous 5 months, it waited till CD 15.

What the Hell!

I was upset and disappointed, another month down and what I'm sure was going to be another negative test awaited.

It was 7am 10 DPO. I decided that even though I knew it was going to be negative I should take the test, I took it, put it down and headed straight in to wake Cooper up, knowing that regardless of what the test revealed this month I had one beautiful baby boy already in my arms.

Another BFN........... I was wrong the sting of the result hurt just as much this month, and I started crying.

After speaking with a close friend, who swore it helped her relax while TTC I booked in for my first acupuncture session. From all accounts acupuncture is supposed to be one of the best non-medicated medicines to help conception as it is said to relax you and to help regulate your hormones and thus, in turn regulate your cycles.

At 13 DPO and Day 28 of my cycle I still had not had a visit from Aunt Flow, I started to feel frustrated, was I or wasn't I. To make matters worse I was feeling small twinges and had felt nauseous the night before. Another negative test but a 3 day late period - that's just unfair, my body was now playing games with me. How after 6+ months of regular 25 day cycles did it just decide that it would change now, and to be out by so many days was completely uncharacteristic for me?! Was it the acupuncture? After one session had my body responded by lengthening it's luteal phase, or simply not menstrating?

Fortunately I didn't have to wait long to wait as I had booked my second acupuncture appointment 2 days later. Now on CD 30 and still no sign of an approaching period I had a bevy of questions:

• Can acupuncture throw off your cycle
• Will this mean my next cycle is completely out of whack too
• Does the lack of a period mean I didn't ovulate

The simple answer to all these questions was "no". However things were not so simple. I'd been experiencing some cramping for the past two weeks, and it was gradually getting worse.Tuesday morning I woke in absolute agony and took myself off to my Drs who ran some blood tests and ordered an ultrasound. With the ultrasound booked for Friday morning I wasn't sure if I could stand the pain for that long, and when I woke on Thursday morning I could barely move let alone drive but I managed to get the appointment brought forward and they rushed me straight in.

The technician did a quick sweep and couldn't find anything drastically out of the norm and encouraged me to head up to the hospital if the pain did not improve. I did just that. I was admitted instantly, put on an IV of morphine as they ran a plethetude of tests to try to isolate the cause of the pain. Eventually I was told there was a possibility that I was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy. I was scared and emotional, but with my husband by my side I knew I would be ok.

They took me in for surgery that night, and the next morning I woke with 3 new holes in my body, but the cramping had stopped. I was discharged later that day and sent home with panadine forte and told not to drive, lift or exhurt myself too much for 4-6 weeks. I was devastated that I could not hold and lift my baby boy.

At around 6pm I took the first two pain killers, I threw them up violently, and it did not stop there, I proceeded to be ill every 15 mins for the next hour, straining and clenching my already very tender stomach before I begged my mum (who had come down to help with Cooper) and my husband to take me back to emergency.  I could not stop shaking, they placed me on another morphine drip and admitted me back into the short stay unit. After 24 hours of pain relief and medication to stop me from throwing up, I was sent up to the wards where I would spend at least another night.

After 3 nights in hospital I was discharged. I'm happy to report that I am feeling much better. Still a little sore and emotional, but better.

After my time in hospital I spent a week recovering at home. My darling husband by my side, lifting his weight and mine around the house ensuring that I didn’t lift anything heavier than a feather and making sure Cooper was well tended to. Around the 3rd day at home I received a phone call from my Dr. He had a few more of the blood test results back, and it was a shock to both of us when he told me my thyroid was underactive. I didn’t quite understand at first, I’ve always been so healthy and aside for feeling a little lethargic over the past few months (which I had out down to being back at work and juggling an ever so active toddler) I had no symptoms.

Stupidly I jumped straight on Dr Google, and in no more than 5 mins I was in tears, some of the impacts on my life could include, uncontrollable weight gain (oh perfect – just what I wanted to hear), depression, but the most horrible of all included infertility, the inability to carry a healthy baby to term or the possibility of birth defects or autism. It seemed that getting medication also took some work, with it often taking months to get the dosage right.

I was devastated; my dream of having 2 under 2 was slipping away so quickly, I can’t explain how heart breaking it was. I was truly gutted, not only had we suffered enough with my time in hospital, an operation and subsequent “pelvic rest”, but now something that could not be controlled by any means other than blood tests and medication.  My husband begged me to focus on what is most important, getting my health back on track, which in turn would ensure that any future pregnancies would run smoothly, with the unborn child being a healthy weight and perfect just like Cooper.

Thanks to all the love I received from my June 2011 mummas on FB and all my dearest friends and family for your support during this time.

If I hear "just relax"one more time......

Charting

20.3.12
Around 6 weeks post partum I unfortunately experienced my first period, since then my cycle has been very regular and for the past month I've been actively charting my body temperature using a digital thermometer and recording results ever day using the Fertility Friend iPhone app.  Today is day CD9  of my cycle and my bulk order of ovulation tests (OPKs) arrived (you would be surprised to see how excited I was by this). So along with recording my body temperature first thing in the morning I also used the test around 2pm and again at 8pm and both revealed a negative result. CD10 was a false positive, CD11 positive and CD12 negative. For four months I charted this way and every month was the same, I was excited, knowing that my body seemed to be back in working order, and even more excited that it seemed to be running like clockwork, as such I couldn't help but feel really positive about our chances to conceive without seeing too many months go by with negative pregnancy tests. But only time would tell.

The Time has Come....

At around the time Cooper turned one Simon and I sat down and had a chat about where we saw ourselves  in the next few years. The usual topics raised their heads and were discussed, money, houses, study, work and Cooper's education and needs, but a the topic of extending our family was the one that took front row and centre. We've been saving for our own place for about a year now and putting ourselves into good positions with work, but did all that matter any more? I guess we had to determine what was most important to us, because as many people would know the cost of two in childcare (~$1,250 a fortnight for 4 days a week, or $1,400 for full time) and the amount you pay off an average mortgage (~$1,450 a fortnight) is almost impossible to achieve in Canberra for the average family without compromising on enjoying life or being able to do things, like holiday as a family. After a while we decided that owing a home could wait, but having children and being able to spend the time and money we'd like on them couldn't.

It was time to start trying.

As any woman would a test the 10-14 day or TWW (two week wait) to take a pregnancy test is torture. It's the only thing that is on your mind, it's the time when all of a sudden all you can see are pregnant woman around you. I know that stress and anxiety is not conducive for conception, but how can someone remain rational and calm when they want something so badly and they know that in 10-14 days they will know whether their biggest dream has come true? For me trying for our second baby corrupted my every thought, when cooking dinner I was careful about what I cooked and how, when I exercise I was careful not to lift weights above my head or get my heart rate or body temperature too high and when I was cleaning, well let's just say Simon did a lot more cleaning than normal just so I didn't have to inhale any nasty chemicals.......  all because there was a slight chance that I could be pregnant. To make matters worse all I could think about was how easily we fell pregnant with Cooper and whether we would be lucky enough to experience that again. My head was telling me not to get my hopes up,  that my body was still adjusting to life after carrying and feeding Cooper, but my heart was was filled with hope and I knew that I would be heart broken with each month that passed with a negative result.

I remember when I was pregnant with Cooper I followed every rule in the rule book, and when I have talked about how I thought I'd be second time round I thought I'd be a little more relaxed. The truth is, I don't think I will be. I guess during a first pregnancy you are a little sheltered, everything is new and exciting and people are considerate enough not to tell you the horror labour stories or heartbreaking miscarriages or still births they know about. A second pregnancy, I would imagine is harder, you are much more wise, and no longer sheltered, you know what to expect and the stories of still births and miscarriages that people have told you over the last 12 months haunt you. How can you ever really relax after hearing such heartbreaking stories! YOU CAN'T! Anyway, I digress, and I'll be sure to pick up that discussion later on, but for now, what we all want to know is how I am going to cope this next week and a half.....

Phantom symptoms or the real deal....

With each morning I wake up concentrating hard on what my body is telling me today. Does it feel different, are my boobs a little more tender, do I feel more tired than usual??? and then I stop and compose myself, I sound crazy right? The truth is with Cooper I knew before I ever took a test, my body was different, I felt different and I suppose that's what I'm thinking about most now, but wanting something so badly can make you think all kinds of things and I could convince myself either way if I allowed myself to. Fortunately I have Cooper to distract me of a morning, my perfect, healthy baby boy and the apple of my eye demands my attention the instant 7am clicks over on the clock and at east for the next 40-60mins I'm pre-occupied preparing him for the day ahead. Unfortunately if I don't have a hectic day at work my mind wanders again and I start to drive myself crazy.and I found myself 7 days past ovulation in tears because even though I hadn't taken a test I knew that this wasn't the month for us. It hasn't helped that Cooper has had the worst week in the history of his short life. I haven't had a good solid sleep in what feels like weeks, I am averaging 3 hours a night and not only has being tired made me feel overwhelmingly emotional but I'm worried about what the lack of sleep is doing to my conception chances.


my 1st BFN..............12.6.12

10 Days past ovulation I took a test. I was right, it was a big fat negative. I was upset and angry, why did I let myself get my hopes up. Having never had experienced a negative test it's a horrible feeling, you feel like you're empty, like you've lost a piece of yourself that you never really had. I felt like a I was mourning a loss. It was irrational, how could I honestly expect to fall pregnant first time round again, it was never going to happen. However, that didn't make me feel any better, and trying to fall pregnant brought out a lot of emotions I never thought I had.... envy being one of them. To make matters worse I seemed to be hearing about new pregnancies that occurred by accident everyday, to learn of someone saying they weren't trying for a baby or they hadn't really wanted a 2nd or 3rd is NOT what a woman who is desperately trying to conceive wants to hear! I am lucky in that one of my newest and now closest friends was also trying to conceive their 2nd bub and was having difficulty as well, and so every negative test, or highly charged emotional day we could lean on each other and keep each other positive, but not only that, we could bitch and groan about all the "accidental" pregnancies that cross our war paths.

Thinking more about it now as I post, even though being pregnant far out ways getting a negative result I am glad that it was, not because I don't want to be pregnant, but because I feel like a lot of pressure has been lifted. I was making myself sick thinking about falling pregnant, and the pressure I was putting on myself and my body to fall pregnant straight away was not healthy. Now like most women I know what it feels like to be disappointed, but I also feel like this next cycle I will be more relaxed, knowing that it's not the end of the world to get a negative result (don't quote me on that - in 11 months time if I'm still baby less I may think differently)

And so it was back to taking temps and ovulation tests. In the mean time I scheduled an appointment for a check up with the sexual health and family planning centre, and I would encourage all women who are trying for a baby to do this.

This may be over share for some of the men who follow this blog, or even family members who check in on the odd occasion (I'm talking about you Dad) but as silly as it sounds I asked all kinds of questions, from whether or not certain lubricants can have adverse affects on the mobility of my husbands swimmers (good news is they don't and in fact you can purchase an American Brand called pre seed that is said to help mimic the environment that supports sperm), to the best timing (2-3am - so set your alarms ladies), positions (we all know this one, I don't think I need to spell it out) and how often doing the deed was recommended to produce healthy sperm and thus giving us the best chances of conceiving. It was the best 30 min consultation I've ever had lying down with a speculum and giant light shining up my hoo haa. To top off a great consultation the nurse said I had one of the healthiest cervix she'd seen, now I'm not sure what an unhealthy cervix looks like, but YAY for mine being fit and fabulous!


Patience is a virtue

Patience is not one of my strong points, ask any one of my family or friends.... In fact, when I decide that I am going to do something, I do it, there's no ifs, buts or maybes, I give 110%, all or nothing, and trying to conceive again was no different. I decided that I had indeed taken things too far when I realised I was planning my next blog post in my head as I lay in bed post coitus with my feet up in the air in the hope that gravity would help me fall pregnant. In fact I'm so impatient that just one day after my first negative test I jumped on line and found a book titled "The impatient woman's guide to getting pregnant" . Now (after impatiently awaiting it's arrival) I am reading up on the importance of diet, sleep and healthy living in conception, but also learning some great techniques to stop my determination and focus on having another baby from developing into a serious case of obsessive compulsive fixation. The book, which claims to be based on many different research studies also provides me the ammunition should anyone dare to tell me "just relax and it'll happen", it claims that thinking about conception and planning a pregnancy using ovulation tests and timing only increases the chances of it happening because you are listening to your body and reading its signals. HA! I knew I wasn't going over the top!

So now it's back on the job.

10 Things I said I'd never do.....

As a new mum and I'm sure many other mums (or dads for that matter) can relate, I made a mental list of things I swore I would never do as a parent, they may be things that drove you crazy as a kid when your mum or dad did them, they may be things you have seen other parents do in public or they may just be something that is important to you for no reason at all...... truth is we all made a similar list when we knew we were expecting.

Here's the thing - you can write that list with the very best intentions, but until you have that bundle of joy in your arms you don't know what you will do, and to be honest, I feel like I'm winging it every day as a parent and as such the list of things I said I'd never do is getting smaller and smaller and here are the top 10 that I've already broken:

1. Wear tights as pants (during those last few months of pregnancy and the first few months of mummy hood I lived in tights - and I'm ashamed to say, to this day I still wear them out as pants and not just under cute dress but as pants with a top and jacket)

2. Compare Cooper to other kids his age. Despite every ones child being different, it's really hard not to compare your child's motor skills or speech development. I think this is second nature though and something you really can't control so I don't feel so bad for not sticking to this one.

3. Lick my thumb and wipe off the dirt / food  or whatever it is sticking to my sons face

4. Leave the house in clothes that have either spit up, snot, or food rubbed into them

5. Use dry shampoo to disguise the fact I haven't washed my hair in 4 days, you don't realise that washing your hair is a luxury in those first few months.

6. Use the TV as a babysitter - This one is the most recent rule I've broken, 20 minutes of the wiggles = an uninterrupted chance to get something done without having Cooper follow me like a bad smell

7. Be one of those mums whose facebook status is always about her child.

8. Rush to the Doctors with every slight cough or sniffle - I must say I am getting better at this one, but for a while there I swear the receptionist at Florey Medical Centre new my name, number and medicare card details off by heart.

9. Spend an entire day in my pyjamas - no explanation necessary


And finally the number 10 thing I said I'd never do as a parent and have done:

10. Tell my son no one will ever love him as much as his mummy - I dated a guy once who's mum told her son right in front of me that no one will ever love him as much as she did - well it turned out i didn't, but I swore I'd never do that. I think it took me all of 1 or 2 days to break this one.

Teething and Trantrums

This week has been an interesting one. It's been long, tiresome and challenging. Cooper is teething again. Molars I think. I haven't been able to have a close inspection, the little tyke does not like fingers nearing his mouth. However the amount of drool and the screams when he has to chew his food, or in his sleep is a pretty good indicator, I'm just hoping they cut through soon.

This week I'm averaging 3-4 hours of sleep a night - the rest of the time I'm fighting with Cooper to get him to settle back to sleep, and more than once this week Cooper has kicked up enough of a stink to find himself sleeping with us (although he is the only one who does sleep). Alternatively there have been two occasions where I've sent Simon in to have Cooper sleep on his chest (which always works). Our saving grace in the last 7 days has been my gorgeous sister-in-law who kindly offered to have Cooper for 24 hours while Simon and I went out for dinner and had a full nights sleep, but wouldn't you know it Cooper slept like a log for her and I woke up more tired for having been well rested.

I've now concluded that Cooper is testing me. He knows how to challenge me, why else would he behave so angelically for my sister-in-law or fall instantaneously back to sleep when Simon places him on his chest, but he fights, screams and scratches when I try. Toddlers are amazingly cunning and clever little beings. Just the other day a girlfriend of mine was telling me her 14 month old would try to distract her by doing something clever before quickly running to do something he knew he wasn't supposed to and Cooper is just the same. If I tell him he can't have something on the table he will put his hand near it, slowly moving the hand closer and closer each time I look away until he is touching whatever it is he shouldn't be, always smiling with his dimply cheeky grin. I also suspect that his need to challenge me is why for the first time (of what I'm sure will be many) he threw a public tantrum spectacular enough to rival even the most terrible two year old.

After eating out for breakfast last weekend, while Simon finished reading his Sunday Paper, I thought I'd pass the time before doing the grocery shopping by letting Cooper pay in one of those cars that bounce up and down making noise after you put a $2 coin into them. Cooper loved it, he thought it was the best thing since sliced bread, and it kept him occupied and happy till Simon finished his paper. When the $2 ran out I picked Coops up and we started walking back to the little cafe where Simon was waiting. We got about 3 or 4 meters away from the ride when he looked back and saw another child sitting in the car, and that was it, he lost it. He started pulling on my hand, stomping his feet and then his legs turned to jelly and the bottom lip dropped. From here I cannot express how quickly it turned from a few tears to a full on melt down, the tears started, he threw himself onto the ground pushing his head back and arching his back and screaming, his face was going purple and he barely took a breath in between squeals. I was so embarrassed, I'd sworn to myself that I was not going to be "one of those mums" who yelled or dragged their child out of sight to what I'm sure was to give them a good smack on the butt. I simply stood there in shock and tried not to laugh. Still in shock I can't be sure what i actually did, but I think eventually I just said "I'm not putting up with this Cooper, we do not have public melt downs" picked him up put him under my arm and carried him like a football over to his father, Simon took one look at him told him to stop and that was the end of it. Once out of sight of the dreaded car Cooper was completely calmed down and happily sat in the shopping trolley looking up at me lovingly.  I just didn't get it. Why did he think he could get away with that with me but not with Simon. I'm the one home with him most days, enforcing "no" and meaning it, he rarely listens to "no"from Simon at home,usually just looking at him puzzled as if thinking "I don't think you are allowed to tell me what to do" so why in public?

It was a test, his way of waiting to see if I would crack in public.

I'll say it again, toddlers are cunning little beings, always testing you and challenging you - and that just about sums up my exact thoughts on this week!

this week it's a love / hate relationship

Dear Cooper, a letter from your mummy on your first birthday..........

Dear Cooper,

    As I sit here writing you this letter 7.46pm on the 30th of May 2012 clicks over, and exactly one year ago your daddy and I welcomed you into the world and straight into our hearts. I can not believe how quickly the time has gone and how much you have grown over this year, not just physically but mentally too. You were born at 54cm long and 3.3 kilos and you were perfect. Today you are just as perfect and remarkable, you are close to 80cm long and 12 kilos heavy, cheeky, bold, and you are my pride and joy. You will know by now that you were named after my grandfather, a man who loved his family above everything else, a man of great pride and a man I respected and loved very much. You will also know that you were born the day before the anniversary of his death, and everyday I wish that he could have lived long enough to have met you, because I know that his heart would have held you closer than it had anyone before you.

This time last year you were lying on my chest, I was feeling you breath, hearing you cry and falling more in love with you each second you existed. I can not explain to you how proud I am to be your mummy, how deeply I love you or how far I'd go to protect you from ever feeling hurt or betrayed. To watch you learn to smile, laugh, crawl, clap, wave, walk and talk, to see you mimicking your daddy and copying your mummy brings me more joy than you will ever know. I could not have asked for a better gift than you are, you have been the light of my life for 365 days and you will continue to be that light until the day I die.

You may not believe it, but right from the very start you have amazed me, you always slept well, made very little fuss and were so alert and anxious to learn new things. Everyone who has met you has fallen in love with you. You are an amazing little boy and one day, in the not so distant future you will grow into an amazing man. It is my hope that your dad and I have given you the greatest possible start in life, that we have loved you enough for you to learn to trust and love others in return, that we have given you the tools to strive for success in your education, that we have instilled good value and morals and taught you not only to respect others but to respect yourself. I know it all seems impossible to accomplish in a year, but we only want to give you what you deserve in life, and we believe you deserve all your dreams and aspirations to come true.

If there was anything that I wish for you in your life, I wish that one day you will feel the absolute joy and overwhelming sense of love that comes with having a baby. I hope that one day you will look back on this letter and know exactly what I feel for you, because you feel the exact same way about your son or daughter.

I love you. Happy first birthday my darling baby boy.

With my never ending love,
Mummy xo

A whirl wind year!

As the sun sets on Coopers first year and I sit here playing back all of the magical moments of the last 365 days in my mind and I must confess I am getting a little teary eyed. What happened to a year, where has my 54cm long, 7.4 pound new born baby boy gone? Over the course of the year I have watched my chunky little monkey develop his own little personality, learn new skills and tricks just by watching his daddy do it and get taller every week right before my eyes (well that's obvious, that's what happens when they grow right?).  I've been there for that first breath, little grin, for the cutest bubbly little laugh, I've seen him rolling over for the first time, sitting up, crawling. I saw his first steps, heard his first words (which I may add was not mum, but Dadda much to Simon's delight) and now my beautiful boy is running, talking and turning one year old.

I could not be prouder of my little man and if I'm perfectly honest I could not be prouder of Simon or I for the way we have raised him and accomplished getting through this first year together. For the first time in my life I know that being a mummy to Cooper is exactly what I was meant to do with, the one thing I feel like I am truly good at. However, as he grows older the less and less he is going to need me, and that very thought makes my heart sink, if one year can go by so quickly imagine how soon the day will come where he wants me to drop him blocks away from whereever it is that he is going just so he isn't seen getting a lift with his daggy mum, or the day he stops showing me all the things he has learnt to do with a big proud grin on his face, rather shouting "I'm not doing anything", or worse still "I hate you mum". 

Fortunately I know that these days are a while aways yet, I also know that the good times far out way the bad, but for now, all I can think about is the cold hard fact that it has been a year since I first held my precious baby boy in my arms, felt his chest against mine and heard the most beautiful cry in the world.

We were lucky enough to be able to celebrate Coopers birthday over the weekend with our families and closest friends, it's amazing just how many people love Cooper as much as we do. With approximately 60 guests coming to help us celebrate, Coopers 1st birthday was only 20 people shy of the number of guests Simon and I had attend our wedding reception. I know that Cooper will not remember his first birthday, but I will, for me his party was something I will never forget. I loved everything that holding a first birthday party embodies, from baking the cake, decorating in theme and going over the top with gifts for my special little dude. It was most definitely a day more about Simon and I (well me really) than it was a day for Cooper, although without him it would not have happened - I know that he would have been happy with a handful of sugary treats, a few new toys and 4 or 5 of his little playmates to run around with, but none the less it was the way I wanted it to be and I hope when Cooper looks back at the photos he will see just how special it was and how many people love him.

And so that's it..... a first birthday come and gone, a year of amazing memories, milestones and a bond between mother and child that will never be broken. I guess this post is short and sweet for the moment, but keep your eyes out for some more wonderful birthday shots like the one above and a little letter I've written to Cooper to mark one year since the day my life changed forever.

Who comes first Hub or Bub? ~ The importance of taking time to work on your marriage

After briefly mentioning the priority list all new mums have in an early post I thought I'd do my research. So after I prompted discussion in a on-line community board for mums and mums-to-be on "who comes first" here are my findings:

In a trend that I thought predicable 86.4% (81 votes) of mums put their babies before their husbands in terms of a priority, but many including me are all too aware that its just as important to keep the hubby happy.

For me, Simon and I wanted to have Cooper, it was a decision we made as a couple (well I may have had more input than he did, but still) and as such right now Cooper is both of our top priority and our main responsibility. I know it is not supposed to be like that, I know that my husband and our marriage should always be top of the list but I feel like we are secure in our marriage, like all couples we have great days, good days and the occasional bad day, but we love each other very much and as such date nights or weekends away alone give way to what Cooper needs and right now we both agree that he comes first.

I think MummaA said it best when she wrote "I like to know what we both have that understanding that our daughter is number 1. I personally feel like our daughter deserves that from both of us. Maybe if we "needed work" I would feel differently but I think since we have the same view on it and have a healthy marriage (and it being a right now thing) , that's fine".

MESR agrees adding "i think that right now both my husband and i focus on making sure the girls' needs are met.  and i also don't think that this phase will last forever".  

RHL quoted "Honestly, I can never separate the two. The family is a unit, and my relationship with all members of the family affects the rest. If my husband and I had a terrible relationship, the children would suffer, but if the children didn't get what they needed, my relationship with my husband would suffer. It is all about striking a balance.However, there are some situations when the balance isn't possible. When it is a "who do you chose, Hubby or kids," I think the answer is kids. As their mother, I am responsible for them in a way that I am not responsible for my husband. "

This is all too true, and I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to my question. I think that it is so important that Cooper grows up in a loving and stable environment so he can learn how a good relationship woks, but right now we don't actively work on our marriage. We teach him indirectly by showing him we care about him and each other, he needs to know that his every need is important to both of us in order for him to trust us and learn to trust others. However, most of all, Simon and I need to realise that one day Cooper won't needs us or rely on us as much as he does now, and one day we will have the time together that we are missing out on now.

I quote Kimbo when I say   "I think it's important not to forget about your relationship.  There will come a day when the children are out of the home and you it will be just the two of you again"

I know that I am no expert on marriage, after all I am still considered a newlywed having only been married for a little less than 2 years, but I suppose what is most challenging and what I feel is a reoccurring theme in successful marriages is making sure that you keep "in contact" with your partner. Ensuring that as the years go by you continue to grow together, and have things in common other than your children. Making it a priority to still have a conversation about something that does not involve your children and enjoying each others company alone, because as I've mentioned one day your children will move on and you will have  to have kept the spark alive to live your lives as a couple again.

I am very blessed, I have wonderful role models in this area, my parents have been married for almost 30 years, they have 3 children (all of whom have now left home) and are more in love today than ever before. They have managed to keep the spark alive, to maintain a friendship and romance while also putting their children first. I think my Dad once said it best when he said "in life you need to find someone to laugh with, someone who's company you enjoy because in the end that's what makes a relationship work" and as I finish this post I will pick up the phone and call in a favour with the grandparents so Simon and I can enjoy some couples time alone.

The weight debate....accepting defeat or success at any cost

Its the age old dilemma that faces new mums - embrace the post pregnancy body changes and love what your body has done for you OR diet, exercise and slim down as quickly as possible.

It's hard in this day and age where everywhere you look celebrities are stepping out 4 week post baby and looking like they were never pregnant. With there size 0 frames, unbelievable body transformations and multimillion dollar weight loss endorsement deals it's no wonder women feel the pressure to slim down immediately after baby is born.

As an athletic and slim woman I found the weight gain progress during my pregnancy one of the biggest challenges. In the first trimester the changes my body went through depressed me, my bump looked more like I should be laying off the hot chips and chocolate and more like I should be hitting up the gym than it did a baby bump. I was self conscious and all to aware that people were noticing  but not game to ask. As my bump grew more round I started to embrace it and by the end my very round belly was my bodies pride and joy. Throughout my pregnancy with Cooper I gained (i can't believe I'm revealing this) 17 kilos, and once Copper graced us with his presence I was a woman on a mission to get my body back, certain that breastfeeding and exercise would be my savour.

It was a lesson I learnt pretty quickly that while breastfeeding watching what you eat is not an option, and to muster the energy to exercise I needed to eat. I was so conflicted over those first few months, convinced I could lose the baby weight quickly, but finding that any time I manipulated my diet to reduce calories or carbs my milk supply would drop. I was so upset, nothing was working in my favour and an internal battle was waging between my desire to breastfeed and my desire to lose weight quickly.

In the end, breastfeeding won out - and rightly so, after all it is your job as a mum to put your child's needs before your own. They say that it takes 9 months to put on and 9 months to take off - well for me it's taken a year, after I stopped breastfeeding at 8 months I was able to look more closely at the foods I was consuming, but that alone wasn't enough, I needed to work on my portion sizes and increasing the amount I exercise.

Now all of that is not to say that my body has returned to the way that is was before. It hasn't and to be honest that's totally OK by me. Yes I am now almost exactly the weight I was pre-baby bump but the composition of my body is completely different. I am softer in places where I used to be quite firm, things are a little  less perky and my hips are a little wider - but my body has done an amazing thing, it has given me Cooper, it carried my baby boy for 9 months before my arms could,  it was a vessel, his home and it provided him the food and nourishment he needed to grow healthy and strong.

I guess I'm finally able to say I am proud of my body, flaws and all, and I hope that other women can feel the same. I guess getting back to my original comments, who knows what goes on behind the closed doors of a celebrity mum, they may not breastfeed and therefore can diet as they wish, they have nanny's and chefs, personal assistants and people at their beck and call 24/7 - it's an unrealistic goal and after a year I'm glad I did it my way.

Something for all new mums to remember

Keeping friendships, making friendships and letting go of others

In my experience when you get married things change in your relationship with your single friends. When you have a baby things change even further and your single friends will do one of 2 things;

•  they will make an effort to get to know your husband and newest member of the family really well, understanding that you can no longer talk for hours on the phone or get that you can no longer go out sporadically for cocktails, rather needing at least a few days notice, or alternatively 
• they will insist that your life has not changed so dramatically that you can't pack up the car at the last minute and head away for a weekend of dinners, brunches, drinks and shopping at high end retail stores, insisting that they are JUST as busy if not more so (given their hectic social life) than you are.

You will quickly learn the difference between single or childless friends that are in it for the long haul and those that can not get past the fact you now have a very different life to the one you had before baby arrived.

I am fully aware that this post may offend or irritate some people. However I suppose individuals who take offence will probably do so because it strikes a cord, or perhaps this is just my experience and I have it all totally wrong......

Since Cooper was born I have embarked on an amazing journey and I'm proud to say along the way my friendships with some have grown much closer, I've reconnected with friends I thought I may have lost and I've made some amazing new friends in the process. Sadly though I've also had to let go of others that I thought would be around forever.

Realising that once you have a baby you no longer have time for the drama and toxicity some friends bring into your life is a tough lesson, and one that took a lot of tears, angst and repetitive disappointment for me to learn. For me the realisation that I needed to let go came around the same time I went back to work and discovered that in my 8 months of maternity leave I had only received a handful of phone calls to see how I was coping and 1 visit, where I had travelled interstate 2 or 3 times to visit with Cooper in tow, it was when  no matter how I was feeling or what was going on in my life, their lives were always far more dramatic, tough, busy or woe is me than mine. It was that they did not like communicating via email or facebook but I just couldn't dedicate more than 5 or 10 mins to talking on the phone without Cooper needing my attention or having to finish a chore before he woke up.

I don't deny that single men and women have busy lives, in fact some of them would have far busier lives than I do, but to compare the kind of busy a full time working mum is to that of a single socialite is naive and undermining. They are two very different kinds of busy and one more forgiving to running late than the other.

When you are a mother there is a priority list, child, husband (it's debatable which order these first two should go in; a post for a later day perhaps), family, friends, yourself and other, you will soon discover exactly who understand the order of the list and those who don't.

To keep a friendship when your number one priority is your family you really have to put in the effort when it matters, be honest, have something in common, but most of all you have to be genuine. My closest friends know that just because I may not call every week does not mean that I am not interested in their life, they just know that life is busy, it's hectic and there isn't always time to call. My closest friends and I can go weeks without catching up, but we understand each other and we know that months could go by between visits but if ever we needed advice, a shoulder to cry on or a good b!tch session about work, our husbands/partners or  something that's given us the pips we could just pick up the phone and we'd have the support we need. Judgement and critisism free. I love my friends for that and if they are reading this tey should know who they are.

There are days when I wish that I could email or text the people I have let go, but much like before I wonder if I will get a response. I wonder if things have changed in their lives over the last 5 months, whether they are happy, still single or in relationships and if so whether one day they will understand the daily juggling act that is work, childcare, house work and taking care of a family. Deep down I hope they do and that one day we will be on the same page and able to mend what is currently broken.

My best friend, support system and Coopers' (fairy) Godmother with her beautiful daughter.

All in a days work.......

As all mums will tell you in a lifetime of caring for your child you will see and experience a lot of different things, some of the most memorable may be your baby's first steps, first words, passing a drivers test, graduation from school or university, marriage and the birth of a grand child. However, among those most memorable things, you can also add any time you may catch them doing something they would not want you to see in the bedroom or bathroom, the dreaded number 3 or the floater.

It is tonight, almost 11 1/2 months into parenthood that I experienced the floater, and I am almost positive when Cooper and I look back on this blog in years to come I am sure he will be riddled with embarrassment, but also I'm hoping, a good old belly laugh.

This afternoon Cooper has been in the funniest little mood, playing games and laughing hysterically at himself or something he has done. Tonight as he bathed I turned to blow rasberries through the glass on the shower panel towards him and I saw his cheeky little grin, smiling back I blow my rasberry only to be interrupted half-way through by a grunt and a plop. THE FLOATER. As I quickly grabbed Cooper out of the tub in order to avoid him treading in it and making it far harder to clean he starts to giggle, I place him on the bathroom floor and as I fight the urge to throw up as I scoop it out of the tub to put in the toilet bowl I turn around and see Cooper standing right in front of the dirty clothes baskets laughing out loud as he peed on the clothes, turned laughed at me and ran off through the bedroom.... I could not help but burst into laughter as I dropped the little nugget into the toilet and took off after him.

Once I had controlled my giggles I rinse Cooper off in the shower, giving the bath a quick clean at the same time and  I notice he can not control himself, thinking he is the funniest kid on the block running around the shower blowing rasberries on the screen.

These are the moments I love, and the moments where I think to myself I don't know how Celebrity mums like Victoria (Posh) Beckham can honestly think that mothering is a glamorous role!

Although this wasn't the night of the dreaded FLOATER - here is Cheeky Cooper in the bath at around 8 months

Birthday Season

I’ve come to the realisation over the past 2 months that my 11 month old has more of a social life than I do at the moment, and from all accounts, when speaking to other mums things only get more complicated as they grow up. Between ferrying children between school, sports training and competition and social gatherings there leaves very little time in a week for mum’s of teenagers, but for us, or Cooper at the very least,  it’s party season; with an invitation from one his little mates all of whom are turning one from my mother’s group arriving nearly daily. It’s exciting but exhausting all at once and I’ve quickly come to learn that having a stock of age appropriate toys in storage at home  for such events is far easier than rushing out in the morning of the party, desperate to find a park in an already overcrowded mall parking lot and trying to find something before getting home wrapping it and heading off.

I find I’m scheduling play dates and catch ups with mums and bubs well in advance and well before even contemplating accepting an invitation to after works drinks or a coffee date and not that I am complaining but I’ve learnt in lightening pace that for the next 17 years at least, my job will be bank teller, taxi and party planner to Cooper Donald Rushby. That’s not to say I’ve completely given up on catching up with my single and childless friends, but with a husband that works 60 plus hours a week it’s much harder to find that time where I don’t have to have Cooper tag along. I suppose in my favour, nearly all of my closest friends have children or are about to and so they are happy to do something to accommodate that need,they understand and can sympathise as for the friends that don’t, well that’s a whole new post I will write about later.

A working holiday

You'll often hear mother's proclaim that a holiday is just much of the same day to day chores in a different location, yes that may be true but isn't the priceless looks of excitement and curiosity on your child's face worth every second?

We headed off on our 3rd family vacation just last week to my families holiday unit on the beautiful mid north coast of Australia, and although packing the car has gotten far more challenging as Cooper gets older the time away could not have been more enjoyable. I think it's a true blessing to be able to bring Cooper and my husband to a place that has provided me with so many precious childhood memories over the last 20 years, the wonderful surf, sunny weather and great rock pools that brought a smile to my cheeky face  now does the same for my son.

I find it rather ironic that the smallest person in the family requires the most luggage, amongst the golf clubs and shared suitcase for Simon and I packed into the boot was a porta-cot, bed sheets, toys, walker, portable high chair, cloth nappies, clothes, strollers, sun shades and bottles. Thank goodness we don't own a small car! Some may find a  long car trip with a 12 month old to be challenging, fortunately for us Cooper travels really well, he happy chats away to himself, his toys or his reflection for the majority of the trip, sleeping the remainder of the time and only starting to get restless about 30 mins from our destination. By the time the 6 hour drive is over we are all ready to break free of the condiment of the car and while I leave unpacking the car to Simon, I make a start on getting the beds made and Cooper feeling settled in and comfortable.

Over the next few days we take Cooper swimming in the ocean, exploring the rock pools and feeding those pesky seagulls, and although I am not much of an ocean swimmer I am sure to show Cooper how much fun the water can be, it becomes quickly apparent though that my son is 100% fearless and does not need me to encourage him one little iota. He'd crawl straight into the surf if we'd let him, laughing and splashing as the waves white water surrounds his body, and although I am pleased that he enjoys the surf so much I am worried that he does not yet understand how dangerous and deadly the ocean can be.

Cooper is also very BOLD, he'll quickly crawl over to the nearest group of kids playing with a ball on the sand and want to be part of it, he has obviously inherited my extroverted nature but doesn't understand that he isn't quite big enough to join in just yet.

Amongst all of the good times it is a bit harder while on holiday, both Simon and I felt we deserved a break and so when it came to waking early when Cooper was ready for breakfast or arranging his meals and bed time we'd both look at each other and think "surely it's your turn", and I guess that's the difference between "holiday Helene" and "everyday Helene" I don't just get up and do what needs to be done, there's that underlying sense of selfishness while you are on a break and a tiny little bit of resentment if it's left up to you to get everything done as you would at home. Fortunately for Simon and I his family joined us for a few days, giving us both a bit of a break and together time and ensuring that that feeling of "why can't you do it" never lingered for too long.

Simon and Cooper go swimming



My beach babe



Is there ever the PERFECT time for #2

Well it's official I HAVE BABY FEVER again! In fact I've had baby fever for at least 2 months now, but the arrival of my best friends baby girl just moments ago has just accelerated it further and has prompted me to update my blog with this post.

Deep down I know Simon and I aren't quite ready for a second little one just yet, we've just got settled into a good routine with Cooper, work and daycare, and we are enjoying spoiling him and watching him grow, hitting every big milestone and in awe of his achievements. We are also enjoying the time we have alone together again now Coops is a little more independent and sleeping well, but most of all we are enjoying being a family of 3.

There's a lot to think about when planning for number 2, there's the logistics of having 2 under 2 or there abouts, the space at home in a 3 bedroom house, money and the amount of time to take off work. Financially we'd manage, although the cost of 2 in daycare scares the hell out of me, we'd make do for a year or so until Cooper headed into pre-school, I've never wanted money to be a reason not to have another baby, but the reality is in this day and age it has to be, at the very least, a consideration, after all you want your children to have the best life they can.

There are 2 major things that play on my mind when the thought of extending our family enters my mind; my Dad's reaction/opinion on the matter and my career/contract at work.

The first thing I can deal with, like the reaction when we told my Dad we were expecting Cooper, I know he will be concerned not just for me during the pregnancy or the stress of having two young children on our relationship but also about our finances and how we will be able to afford it. To clarify, my Dad is an accountant, he has always been one to stress about our bank balances even from a very young age, always stressing the importance of saving and never extending ourselves too far. He also knows we are saving for our first family home and he knows the stresses of raising a family / childcare and the cost of living in Canberra (one of the most expensive cities to live in in Australia) has on us. I respect my Dad a lot, I love him very much, but if there is one thing that causes arguments or tension between us it's money and his opinions on how we spend it or save it. I know that he will be thrilled for me when we announce a second pregnancy, but I am also all too aware of the financial advice and concern he will openly express.

Secondly there is work, my contract is 4 years long, I am currently a little over half way through and as you may have read in an earlier post I'm really in a good position career wise, with a supportive manager and good team of people around me. I would be lying though if I said I wasn't at all concerned about how another bout of maternity leave would affect my career and contract extension options. Truth be told Simon and I have actually thought long and hard about the timing of our next pregnancy and how it will affect my career and his study, but should we really be that concerned? After all a baby is a great thing to have in your life.

With Cooper everything was planned, we started trying so my Maternity leave would coincide perfectly with end of financial year at work and finish with the first working day in the new year. True to form my crazy obsessive compulsive nature to be organised meant that my replacement at work came in with the new budget complete finalised and every current research project 100% up to date with reporting and filing. It was also timed perfectly so that I returned to work with exactly 2 years remaining on my contract. However that was before I was struck down with this crazy baby fever and were planning a nice 3 year gap between our little ones, allowing me to devote the remaining 2 years of my contract to establishing myself as completely irreplaceable in the office and having my contract renewed before trying again. Now those plans are out of the question, and even though at the time I did not enjoy pregnancy with Cooper, the thought of another baby growing in there makes my heart swell with love and excitement and I've started to think about when the right time is for me this time? How will it effect my job, career progression and most importantly my contract renewal?

So I guess I'm wondering how many other couples time their pregnancies around their career,  the timing of their return to work after maternity leave, or for that matter the amount in their savings account? Surely I can't be the only one?

All the single ladies

Single Mums............... I don't know how you do it!

There have been times when I have proclaimed I feel like a single parent. Simon's work / study schedule is hectic, he's up at 4:30am most mornings and home at 7:30-8pm, if we are lucky we see him Wednesday afternoons and Sunday's, the rest of the time, Cooper is usually in bed sound asleep by the time Simon is home. Most days I'm up at 7 and getting both Cooper and I ready for daycare and work, trying to get both of us dressed, fed and out the door by 7:40am. It's a rush, and I suppose I could get up earlier to make it less so, but as new mum's will know, sleep is the much higher priority.

Of an afternoon, I'm on pick up, I am one of the lucky ladies though, who has childcare facilities at work so it's nice and easy, when I get home it's a chaotic mess of organising dinner for Simon and I, lunches and back packs for the next day, dinner time for Cooper, bath and bedtime before 7pm. After Cooper is asleep, I do a quick surface clean, tidying toys, wiping down beaches and putting washing on or away. Simon will usually get home just as I finish getting dinner cooked which is perfect timing. By about 8:30pm the kitchen is cleaned and I lay out Cooper's and my own clothes for the next day as Simon gets himself organised or does a bit of study. This is a typical day and it wasn't until Simon headed off on a work conference that I realised even though he doesn't really help out a lot during the week at home, he really makes up for it on the weekend or times he does get home early. Just doing the little things while I'm busy with Cooper helps out immensely, he'll put a load of washing on, or fold a basket of clothes or it's nice to just have him watch Cooper so I can enjoy my shower or actually take the time to straighten my hair properly. It's in these instances that I think to myself I don't know how single mums do it, especially those with twins or more than one child!

I guess I just wanted to write a quick post about my admiration for single mums and I will never proclaim again that I do it alone!

The art of juggling work and home life ....

To stay at home or to work......... it's the million dollar question

As a child, when I thought about how I wanted my life to be, I always envisioned myself to be a stay at home mum until my children were at school, In reality though very few families can afford to do that in this era, and so when I fell pregnant I had to face the cold hard fact that I would have to go back to work. 

At the start of my maternity leave I had always planned to return to work after 6 months. Financially it was the only option, as Simon is still studying and I am the primary breadwinner. Fortunately Cooper's arrival was timed perfectly with my first day of maternity leave so I still had plenty of annual leave up my sleeve, and I chose to use it to give me an extra month at home, and to allow me to get through the festive season without having to worry about work as well.

The plan was to have Cooper in day care 3 days a week while I was in the office and for me to work two half days from home for the first 12 months  re-evaluating my position when the 12 months expired. Unfortunately, although Cooper's name had been on the waiting list at day care for around 16 months they could not offer him a position until February. God bless Grandparents. My mum and mother in law were both able to pitch in and help get us through January when I headed back by coming and staying for up to two weeks each.

One of the biggest concerns and fears I had, and I suppose all working mothers have, was in regards to my perception in the office. I work in a male dominate work place, and I 've seen first hand the effect that returning to work in a part time capacity after having a baby has done to some women. I know myself I was always quick to judge mothers who said they were "working from home" for the afternoon because their child was sick, and I swear the amount of times their child was sick was at least once a fortnight, I had no idea that this is just the reality of having your child in childcare. My how my perceptions quickly changed the instant Cooper was born. The thought that I could judge my fellow sisters so harshly made me sick to my stomach and made me wonder just what was being said about my work performance in the office given I worked 2 days a week from home. Not only that, but with Cooper literally sick for 3 weeks I hardly spent a full day in the office in his second month of childcare. I was terrified of being judged the way I had judged others, and to those women, if you are reading this, I am beyond sorry. No one will ever know how hard you do work to make sure your performance in your job doesn't suffer as a result of working from home.

I've worked in my role for over 2 years now, I like to think I'm really good at what I do, and about 2 months after returning to work my manager requested a performance appraisal. At this stage I was feeling confident about my work performance, Cooper hadn't yet been sick and I was producing good outcomes and staying on top of my work load. I guess I'm lucky that my manager has 3 young children, and he has always reiterated to me that family comes first, however I was shocked when he proceeded to tell me in my appraisal that he wanted me to look at management as a role I should take on in the future and offered me the chance to study through work to gain some professional development in the area.  After that meeting, I felt valued, I was super confident that I could be a working mother and still spend the time I wanted to with Cooper and Simon, I felt like I had made the right decision to go back to work after 7 months.


Fast forward two weeks and Cooper gets his first serious cold and I have to take time off. A few days later it was gastro, a week later an inner ear infection and then just recently a bout of hand foot and mouth disease. The timing couldn't have been worse, I'd just had my performance appraisal, which came out glowing, and then without warning I was absent from the office at least 3 out of 5 days each week for a month due to the need to care for Cooper. It was then that I started to get frustrated, I wasn't sleeping well, I was emotional and I started to wonder why Simon couldn't once just take the day off to care for Cooper so I could get into the office and do some work.

I knew the answer, and the answer was this, even though Simon worked 3 jobs and continued to study, it's not that he couldn't take the day off, it's not that we knew he isn't entitled to carers leave and therefore didn't get paid on his days at home, it's that I had simply never thought to actually ask him to. I guess the MUM in me wants to be the one to nurse Cooper back to full health, I am the women who wanted to be a stay at home mum and I still take on that role even though I work full time. It made me wonder how many other working mums out there do this? and why? Is it the immense guilt we feel for having to work, not that that stacks up well against the immense guilt we feel for having to take the time off work to do it. I've come to the conclusion that no matter what you do, when you are a mother, regardless of whether you stay at home or go back to work, you ALWAYS feel guilty for something.

Mummy and Cooper on our way to work and day care

The other side to working full time - is not having the time to clean
Cooper's room

In Sickness and in Health

Every mum knows that when your baby goes into childcare they are bound to get ill. Childcare is a smorgest board of disease and illness, and on one hand you know deep down that this helps your baby's immune system to develop, but the reality of having a sick child is horrible.


And mother of the year goes to.........................

About 2 weeks into Cooper's time in childcare he got his first cold. It was  a simple runny nose and cough, I borrowed a humidifier and got my hands on some baby Vicks and nursed my baby back to full health. It was probably only two weeks later when Cooper suddenly developed a bad case of diarrhoea and as a secondary symptom a terrible case of nappy rash. He wasn't eating like he normally would and had a fever. Despite people telling me to leave it 48 hours I was not convinced I should so the next morning, after a rough night we headed off to the doctors. Diagnosis, viral infection and the recommended treatment was as simple as keeping his fluids up. Later that evening, about 2 hours after I put him down for the night at 6:30pm he woke up covered in vomit and screaming, he continued to throw up and his diarrhoea was only getting worse and so we had our first trip to emergency.

His fever was at 39.9 degrees Celsius when we arrived and they checked us straight in. They dosed him straight up with Neurofen, took a urine and stool sample and monitored him until his fever came right down allowing us to head home around 2am. It took 3 or 4 days for Cooper to recover completely and a little longer to completely rid him of nappy rash (I will never forget how red his little bottom was during that week, I just felt so bad that no matter how often I changed his nappy, how much cream I used or nappy free time he had, there was nothing I could really do until the diarrhoea stopped). Those 5 days were the hardest days I had faced as a mum, the sleepless nights you suffer through in that first month or so after birth were nothing compared to this.

It couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 days later when I was asked to come and pick Cooper up from childcare again. He was unsettled, had a slight temperature and had thrown up most of his breakfast and morning tea. I didn't know what to say, the Doctors had given us the all clear on the virus and I was certain teething was the cause of the problem, but due to the outbreak of gastro the centre couldn't be too cautious and I respected that, after all I wouldn't want another child to have to endure the horrible virus Cooper had. So, yet again I apologise to my boss and pick Cooper up, and took him off to the Doctors in order to get clearance to put him back in care the next day. Well I was right on one hand, Cooper was cutting 4 new teeth, all on the top, but he was also suffering from a double inner ear infection. He was prescribed Penicillin and headed back into care the next day.

I could not believe it when the next day around 11am I received another call, in fact I was so tired and emotional from the week prior I just burst into tears when they told me they suspected Cooper had Hand Foot and Mouth disease. The poor kid could not catch a break and I was in absolute shock, at 8am when I had dropped him off he did not have a single mark on him,  by the time I collected hi at around 11:30am  his hands were covered in blisters and he had not eaten a single thing all morning. At this point I was embarrassed to walk into the Doctors, I felt useless and a complete failure, how could I a) not see that he had hand foot and mouth and b) let my baby get sick so many times within a month!


I knew this was not all my fault,  just the result of Cooper being in day care 4 days a week, which made me feel even more guilty about not being able to have him at home more and it stirred up more of those emotions about the work life balance and how desperately I wished we could afford for me to work part time.