Dear Sweet Zoe, on your first Birthday

My Littlest Love, My Sweet baby girl, My Zoe-belle,


As I sit here to write this I can't help but to hold back the tears. I can't believe how quickly this day has come, how much I wish time would just stand still for a while so I can look at you, hold you and cherish you at this age.


Your smile lights up rooms, your eyes melt even the most frozen of hearts, you have made me feel complete. You are the most beautiful soul, and even from this young age I know what kind of woman you are going to be; strong, determined, compassionate and caring. Your Daddy and I are so blessed to have you in our lives, we are so proud of you, we love you beyond words and we couldn't imagine our lives without you. I will never be able to explain to you just how deeply we love you.

Watching the love that you and Cooper have for one another is such a joy. I hope you will always have that love for each other, I hope you know that he even now is so protective of you that I know you will always be looked after no matter what happens.


I hope you know, that 1 year ago at this very moment (8.49pm) you were in my arms, a tiny perfect little girl, welcomed into the world already so loved by everyone. Weighing 3.080kilograms, with  more hair than you have right now, your eyes blue, bold and so alert to everything around you. With every breath you took, with every nuzzle you made into my breasts you stole my heart. I never thought it was possible to hold so much love, to feel so much responsibility to protect you and keep you safe.


By now you will know that your Father named you. Zoe, meaning Life and that is what you are for us. We will dedicate our lives to helping you grow and learn, to loving and supporting you, ALWAYS. You also have the names of your grandmother and Oma, two women with such love, strength and wisdom that you will one day do well to emulate them.


This year I have been amazed by you. To watch you learn to smile, laugh, roll, sit up, crawl, talk and walk. To laugh with you and at your silly games. You my darling daughter will never be anything more than Dads baby girl, and I already pity the men who try to steal your heart from him.


Zoe you are one today, and although I'm heartbroken that you are growing so quickly, I know that you are still my baby, that I still have many more years to watch you grow, to hold you in my arms, to sneak in to your room at night and watch you sleep before kissing your forehead gently and asking God to watch over you while you sleep. I know that I'm always going to see you as my baby girl, and for that in years to come I am sorry.


Happy first birthday Zoe. I am so proud to be your mumma.


xoxoxoxoxox


I love you

2 under 2

Well here comes that guilt ...... I can't believe it's been close to a year since I last updated my blog.

In the past year I have struggled through sleepless nights, emergency waiting rooms, long mornings waiting for garbage trucks to arrive, play dates at parks, lakes, play centres and friends houses.






I have seen first steps, witnessed first smiles and heard first words and giggles.





I have tamed tantrums, negotiated dinner rules and suffered through seemingly endless episodes of Pepper Pig.




I've kissed new born lips and cut knees, I've wiped blood from cuts and boogers from noses.




I have returned to work full time. I have been a mother to 2 under 2 and I have lived to write this post.




As I read all of this back I realise it sounds very narcissistic or egotistical, like in someway that I honestly believe I'm some sort of super hero mother and deserve an award. I am not. I haven't yet mentioned the times I left my children screaming to sob in the bathroom for a few minutes alone because if I didn't I was afraid of what I might do or say to them.




I haven't mentioned that for the first few months after Zoe was born I used dry-shampoo almost daily to mask the fact I hadn't had time to wash my hair for a week, and lets not get started on the way I dressed to hide the weight that I was too lazy to lose.





I haven't mentioned that despite all the warnings I let her sleep on her tummy or in her car capsule purely so that my poor reflux baby would sleep, that I took her week in and week out to an osteopath to try to avoid having to give her medication to help her sleep comfortably without tummy pains.






I haven't mentioned that it took Cooper 6 months to toilet train because I had no idea what I was doing, didn't trust my gut instinct and was pressured into starting him too early.








2 under 2 is so many things. It's chaotic, challenging, hard and sometimes hopeless. It's magical, beautiful, rewarding and fun. It's the love and bond between siblings growing and learning together that people go back to have a third. It's what dreams are made of.








I don't know why I'm writing it all down now, maybe it's so that when I look back on it I'll remember the good and the bad, and that maybe it'll help me get through the years ahead. I do know that no first year in a baby's life are similar despite following the same routines and reading the same parenting books. Zoe and Cooper's first 12 months of life could not have been more different from one another. Parenting is a constant guessing game. The rules constantly change, what might be good for one may be totally the opposite for the other. I just hope that despite the differences in the end both of my babies turn out to be caring and confident children.