Who comes first Hub or Bub? ~ The importance of taking time to work on your marriage

After briefly mentioning the priority list all new mums have in an early post I thought I'd do my research. So after I prompted discussion in a on-line community board for mums and mums-to-be on "who comes first" here are my findings:

In a trend that I thought predicable 86.4% (81 votes) of mums put their babies before their husbands in terms of a priority, but many including me are all too aware that its just as important to keep the hubby happy.

For me, Simon and I wanted to have Cooper, it was a decision we made as a couple (well I may have had more input than he did, but still) and as such right now Cooper is both of our top priority and our main responsibility. I know it is not supposed to be like that, I know that my husband and our marriage should always be top of the list but I feel like we are secure in our marriage, like all couples we have great days, good days and the occasional bad day, but we love each other very much and as such date nights or weekends away alone give way to what Cooper needs and right now we both agree that he comes first.

I think MummaA said it best when she wrote "I like to know what we both have that understanding that our daughter is number 1. I personally feel like our daughter deserves that from both of us. Maybe if we "needed work" I would feel differently but I think since we have the same view on it and have a healthy marriage (and it being a right now thing) , that's fine".

MESR agrees adding "i think that right now both my husband and i focus on making sure the girls' needs are met.  and i also don't think that this phase will last forever".  

RHL quoted "Honestly, I can never separate the two. The family is a unit, and my relationship with all members of the family affects the rest. If my husband and I had a terrible relationship, the children would suffer, but if the children didn't get what they needed, my relationship with my husband would suffer. It is all about striking a balance.However, there are some situations when the balance isn't possible. When it is a "who do you chose, Hubby or kids," I think the answer is kids. As their mother, I am responsible for them in a way that I am not responsible for my husband. "

This is all too true, and I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to my question. I think that it is so important that Cooper grows up in a loving and stable environment so he can learn how a good relationship woks, but right now we don't actively work on our marriage. We teach him indirectly by showing him we care about him and each other, he needs to know that his every need is important to both of us in order for him to trust us and learn to trust others. However, most of all, Simon and I need to realise that one day Cooper won't needs us or rely on us as much as he does now, and one day we will have the time together that we are missing out on now.

I quote Kimbo when I say   "I think it's important not to forget about your relationship.  There will come a day when the children are out of the home and you it will be just the two of you again"

I know that I am no expert on marriage, after all I am still considered a newlywed having only been married for a little less than 2 years, but I suppose what is most challenging and what I feel is a reoccurring theme in successful marriages is making sure that you keep "in contact" with your partner. Ensuring that as the years go by you continue to grow together, and have things in common other than your children. Making it a priority to still have a conversation about something that does not involve your children and enjoying each others company alone, because as I've mentioned one day your children will move on and you will have  to have kept the spark alive to live your lives as a couple again.

I am very blessed, I have wonderful role models in this area, my parents have been married for almost 30 years, they have 3 children (all of whom have now left home) and are more in love today than ever before. They have managed to keep the spark alive, to maintain a friendship and romance while also putting their children first. I think my Dad once said it best when he said "in life you need to find someone to laugh with, someone who's company you enjoy because in the end that's what makes a relationship work" and as I finish this post I will pick up the phone and call in a favour with the grandparents so Simon and I can enjoy some couples time alone.