Dear Cooper, a letter from your mummy on your first birthday..........

Dear Cooper,

    As I sit here writing you this letter 7.46pm on the 30th of May 2012 clicks over, and exactly one year ago your daddy and I welcomed you into the world and straight into our hearts. I can not believe how quickly the time has gone and how much you have grown over this year, not just physically but mentally too. You were born at 54cm long and 3.3 kilos and you were perfect. Today you are just as perfect and remarkable, you are close to 80cm long and 12 kilos heavy, cheeky, bold, and you are my pride and joy. You will know by now that you were named after my grandfather, a man who loved his family above everything else, a man of great pride and a man I respected and loved very much. You will also know that you were born the day before the anniversary of his death, and everyday I wish that he could have lived long enough to have met you, because I know that his heart would have held you closer than it had anyone before you.

This time last year you were lying on my chest, I was feeling you breath, hearing you cry and falling more in love with you each second you existed. I can not explain to you how proud I am to be your mummy, how deeply I love you or how far I'd go to protect you from ever feeling hurt or betrayed. To watch you learn to smile, laugh, crawl, clap, wave, walk and talk, to see you mimicking your daddy and copying your mummy brings me more joy than you will ever know. I could not have asked for a better gift than you are, you have been the light of my life for 365 days and you will continue to be that light until the day I die.

You may not believe it, but right from the very start you have amazed me, you always slept well, made very little fuss and were so alert and anxious to learn new things. Everyone who has met you has fallen in love with you. You are an amazing little boy and one day, in the not so distant future you will grow into an amazing man. It is my hope that your dad and I have given you the greatest possible start in life, that we have loved you enough for you to learn to trust and love others in return, that we have given you the tools to strive for success in your education, that we have instilled good value and morals and taught you not only to respect others but to respect yourself. I know it all seems impossible to accomplish in a year, but we only want to give you what you deserve in life, and we believe you deserve all your dreams and aspirations to come true.

If there was anything that I wish for you in your life, I wish that one day you will feel the absolute joy and overwhelming sense of love that comes with having a baby. I hope that one day you will look back on this letter and know exactly what I feel for you, because you feel the exact same way about your son or daughter.

I love you. Happy first birthday my darling baby boy.

With my never ending love,
Mummy xo

A whirl wind year!

As the sun sets on Coopers first year and I sit here playing back all of the magical moments of the last 365 days in my mind and I must confess I am getting a little teary eyed. What happened to a year, where has my 54cm long, 7.4 pound new born baby boy gone? Over the course of the year I have watched my chunky little monkey develop his own little personality, learn new skills and tricks just by watching his daddy do it and get taller every week right before my eyes (well that's obvious, that's what happens when they grow right?).  I've been there for that first breath, little grin, for the cutest bubbly little laugh, I've seen him rolling over for the first time, sitting up, crawling. I saw his first steps, heard his first words (which I may add was not mum, but Dadda much to Simon's delight) and now my beautiful boy is running, talking and turning one year old.

I could not be prouder of my little man and if I'm perfectly honest I could not be prouder of Simon or I for the way we have raised him and accomplished getting through this first year together. For the first time in my life I know that being a mummy to Cooper is exactly what I was meant to do with, the one thing I feel like I am truly good at. However, as he grows older the less and less he is going to need me, and that very thought makes my heart sink, if one year can go by so quickly imagine how soon the day will come where he wants me to drop him blocks away from whereever it is that he is going just so he isn't seen getting a lift with his daggy mum, or the day he stops showing me all the things he has learnt to do with a big proud grin on his face, rather shouting "I'm not doing anything", or worse still "I hate you mum". 

Fortunately I know that these days are a while aways yet, I also know that the good times far out way the bad, but for now, all I can think about is the cold hard fact that it has been a year since I first held my precious baby boy in my arms, felt his chest against mine and heard the most beautiful cry in the world.

We were lucky enough to be able to celebrate Coopers birthday over the weekend with our families and closest friends, it's amazing just how many people love Cooper as much as we do. With approximately 60 guests coming to help us celebrate, Coopers 1st birthday was only 20 people shy of the number of guests Simon and I had attend our wedding reception. I know that Cooper will not remember his first birthday, but I will, for me his party was something I will never forget. I loved everything that holding a first birthday party embodies, from baking the cake, decorating in theme and going over the top with gifts for my special little dude. It was most definitely a day more about Simon and I (well me really) than it was a day for Cooper, although without him it would not have happened - I know that he would have been happy with a handful of sugary treats, a few new toys and 4 or 5 of his little playmates to run around with, but none the less it was the way I wanted it to be and I hope when Cooper looks back at the photos he will see just how special it was and how many people love him.

And so that's it..... a first birthday come and gone, a year of amazing memories, milestones and a bond between mother and child that will never be broken. I guess this post is short and sweet for the moment, but keep your eyes out for some more wonderful birthday shots like the one above and a little letter I've written to Cooper to mark one year since the day my life changed forever.

Who comes first Hub or Bub? ~ The importance of taking time to work on your marriage

After briefly mentioning the priority list all new mums have in an early post I thought I'd do my research. So after I prompted discussion in a on-line community board for mums and mums-to-be on "who comes first" here are my findings:

In a trend that I thought predicable 86.4% (81 votes) of mums put their babies before their husbands in terms of a priority, but many including me are all too aware that its just as important to keep the hubby happy.

For me, Simon and I wanted to have Cooper, it was a decision we made as a couple (well I may have had more input than he did, but still) and as such right now Cooper is both of our top priority and our main responsibility. I know it is not supposed to be like that, I know that my husband and our marriage should always be top of the list but I feel like we are secure in our marriage, like all couples we have great days, good days and the occasional bad day, but we love each other very much and as such date nights or weekends away alone give way to what Cooper needs and right now we both agree that he comes first.

I think MummaA said it best when she wrote "I like to know what we both have that understanding that our daughter is number 1. I personally feel like our daughter deserves that from both of us. Maybe if we "needed work" I would feel differently but I think since we have the same view on it and have a healthy marriage (and it being a right now thing) , that's fine".

MESR agrees adding "i think that right now both my husband and i focus on making sure the girls' needs are met.  and i also don't think that this phase will last forever".  

RHL quoted "Honestly, I can never separate the two. The family is a unit, and my relationship with all members of the family affects the rest. If my husband and I had a terrible relationship, the children would suffer, but if the children didn't get what they needed, my relationship with my husband would suffer. It is all about striking a balance.However, there are some situations when the balance isn't possible. When it is a "who do you chose, Hubby or kids," I think the answer is kids. As their mother, I am responsible for them in a way that I am not responsible for my husband. "

This is all too true, and I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to my question. I think that it is so important that Cooper grows up in a loving and stable environment so he can learn how a good relationship woks, but right now we don't actively work on our marriage. We teach him indirectly by showing him we care about him and each other, he needs to know that his every need is important to both of us in order for him to trust us and learn to trust others. However, most of all, Simon and I need to realise that one day Cooper won't needs us or rely on us as much as he does now, and one day we will have the time together that we are missing out on now.

I quote Kimbo when I say   "I think it's important not to forget about your relationship.  There will come a day when the children are out of the home and you it will be just the two of you again"

I know that I am no expert on marriage, after all I am still considered a newlywed having only been married for a little less than 2 years, but I suppose what is most challenging and what I feel is a reoccurring theme in successful marriages is making sure that you keep "in contact" with your partner. Ensuring that as the years go by you continue to grow together, and have things in common other than your children. Making it a priority to still have a conversation about something that does not involve your children and enjoying each others company alone, because as I've mentioned one day your children will move on and you will have  to have kept the spark alive to live your lives as a couple again.

I am very blessed, I have wonderful role models in this area, my parents have been married for almost 30 years, they have 3 children (all of whom have now left home) and are more in love today than ever before. They have managed to keep the spark alive, to maintain a friendship and romance while also putting their children first. I think my Dad once said it best when he said "in life you need to find someone to laugh with, someone who's company you enjoy because in the end that's what makes a relationship work" and as I finish this post I will pick up the phone and call in a favour with the grandparents so Simon and I can enjoy some couples time alone.

The weight debate....accepting defeat or success at any cost

Its the age old dilemma that faces new mums - embrace the post pregnancy body changes and love what your body has done for you OR diet, exercise and slim down as quickly as possible.

It's hard in this day and age where everywhere you look celebrities are stepping out 4 week post baby and looking like they were never pregnant. With there size 0 frames, unbelievable body transformations and multimillion dollar weight loss endorsement deals it's no wonder women feel the pressure to slim down immediately after baby is born.

As an athletic and slim woman I found the weight gain progress during my pregnancy one of the biggest challenges. In the first trimester the changes my body went through depressed me, my bump looked more like I should be laying off the hot chips and chocolate and more like I should be hitting up the gym than it did a baby bump. I was self conscious and all to aware that people were noticing  but not game to ask. As my bump grew more round I started to embrace it and by the end my very round belly was my bodies pride and joy. Throughout my pregnancy with Cooper I gained (i can't believe I'm revealing this) 17 kilos, and once Copper graced us with his presence I was a woman on a mission to get my body back, certain that breastfeeding and exercise would be my savour.

It was a lesson I learnt pretty quickly that while breastfeeding watching what you eat is not an option, and to muster the energy to exercise I needed to eat. I was so conflicted over those first few months, convinced I could lose the baby weight quickly, but finding that any time I manipulated my diet to reduce calories or carbs my milk supply would drop. I was so upset, nothing was working in my favour and an internal battle was waging between my desire to breastfeed and my desire to lose weight quickly.

In the end, breastfeeding won out - and rightly so, after all it is your job as a mum to put your child's needs before your own. They say that it takes 9 months to put on and 9 months to take off - well for me it's taken a year, after I stopped breastfeeding at 8 months I was able to look more closely at the foods I was consuming, but that alone wasn't enough, I needed to work on my portion sizes and increasing the amount I exercise.

Now all of that is not to say that my body has returned to the way that is was before. It hasn't and to be honest that's totally OK by me. Yes I am now almost exactly the weight I was pre-baby bump but the composition of my body is completely different. I am softer in places where I used to be quite firm, things are a little  less perky and my hips are a little wider - but my body has done an amazing thing, it has given me Cooper, it carried my baby boy for 9 months before my arms could,  it was a vessel, his home and it provided him the food and nourishment he needed to grow healthy and strong.

I guess I'm finally able to say I am proud of my body, flaws and all, and I hope that other women can feel the same. I guess getting back to my original comments, who knows what goes on behind the closed doors of a celebrity mum, they may not breastfeed and therefore can diet as they wish, they have nanny's and chefs, personal assistants and people at their beck and call 24/7 - it's an unrealistic goal and after a year I'm glad I did it my way.

Something for all new mums to remember

Keeping friendships, making friendships and letting go of others

In my experience when you get married things change in your relationship with your single friends. When you have a baby things change even further and your single friends will do one of 2 things;

•  they will make an effort to get to know your husband and newest member of the family really well, understanding that you can no longer talk for hours on the phone or get that you can no longer go out sporadically for cocktails, rather needing at least a few days notice, or alternatively 
• they will insist that your life has not changed so dramatically that you can't pack up the car at the last minute and head away for a weekend of dinners, brunches, drinks and shopping at high end retail stores, insisting that they are JUST as busy if not more so (given their hectic social life) than you are.

You will quickly learn the difference between single or childless friends that are in it for the long haul and those that can not get past the fact you now have a very different life to the one you had before baby arrived.

I am fully aware that this post may offend or irritate some people. However I suppose individuals who take offence will probably do so because it strikes a cord, or perhaps this is just my experience and I have it all totally wrong......

Since Cooper was born I have embarked on an amazing journey and I'm proud to say along the way my friendships with some have grown much closer, I've reconnected with friends I thought I may have lost and I've made some amazing new friends in the process. Sadly though I've also had to let go of others that I thought would be around forever.

Realising that once you have a baby you no longer have time for the drama and toxicity some friends bring into your life is a tough lesson, and one that took a lot of tears, angst and repetitive disappointment for me to learn. For me the realisation that I needed to let go came around the same time I went back to work and discovered that in my 8 months of maternity leave I had only received a handful of phone calls to see how I was coping and 1 visit, where I had travelled interstate 2 or 3 times to visit with Cooper in tow, it was when  no matter how I was feeling or what was going on in my life, their lives were always far more dramatic, tough, busy or woe is me than mine. It was that they did not like communicating via email or facebook but I just couldn't dedicate more than 5 or 10 mins to talking on the phone without Cooper needing my attention or having to finish a chore before he woke up.

I don't deny that single men and women have busy lives, in fact some of them would have far busier lives than I do, but to compare the kind of busy a full time working mum is to that of a single socialite is naive and undermining. They are two very different kinds of busy and one more forgiving to running late than the other.

When you are a mother there is a priority list, child, husband (it's debatable which order these first two should go in; a post for a later day perhaps), family, friends, yourself and other, you will soon discover exactly who understand the order of the list and those who don't.

To keep a friendship when your number one priority is your family you really have to put in the effort when it matters, be honest, have something in common, but most of all you have to be genuine. My closest friends know that just because I may not call every week does not mean that I am not interested in their life, they just know that life is busy, it's hectic and there isn't always time to call. My closest friends and I can go weeks without catching up, but we understand each other and we know that months could go by between visits but if ever we needed advice, a shoulder to cry on or a good b!tch session about work, our husbands/partners or  something that's given us the pips we could just pick up the phone and we'd have the support we need. Judgement and critisism free. I love my friends for that and if they are reading this tey should know who they are.

There are days when I wish that I could email or text the people I have let go, but much like before I wonder if I will get a response. I wonder if things have changed in their lives over the last 5 months, whether they are happy, still single or in relationships and if so whether one day they will understand the daily juggling act that is work, childcare, house work and taking care of a family. Deep down I hope they do and that one day we will be on the same page and able to mend what is currently broken.

My best friend, support system and Coopers' (fairy) Godmother with her beautiful daughter.

All in a days work.......

As all mums will tell you in a lifetime of caring for your child you will see and experience a lot of different things, some of the most memorable may be your baby's first steps, first words, passing a drivers test, graduation from school or university, marriage and the birth of a grand child. However, among those most memorable things, you can also add any time you may catch them doing something they would not want you to see in the bedroom or bathroom, the dreaded number 3 or the floater.

It is tonight, almost 11 1/2 months into parenthood that I experienced the floater, and I am almost positive when Cooper and I look back on this blog in years to come I am sure he will be riddled with embarrassment, but also I'm hoping, a good old belly laugh.

This afternoon Cooper has been in the funniest little mood, playing games and laughing hysterically at himself or something he has done. Tonight as he bathed I turned to blow rasberries through the glass on the shower panel towards him and I saw his cheeky little grin, smiling back I blow my rasberry only to be interrupted half-way through by a grunt and a plop. THE FLOATER. As I quickly grabbed Cooper out of the tub in order to avoid him treading in it and making it far harder to clean he starts to giggle, I place him on the bathroom floor and as I fight the urge to throw up as I scoop it out of the tub to put in the toilet bowl I turn around and see Cooper standing right in front of the dirty clothes baskets laughing out loud as he peed on the clothes, turned laughed at me and ran off through the bedroom.... I could not help but burst into laughter as I dropped the little nugget into the toilet and took off after him.

Once I had controlled my giggles I rinse Cooper off in the shower, giving the bath a quick clean at the same time and  I notice he can not control himself, thinking he is the funniest kid on the block running around the shower blowing rasberries on the screen.

These are the moments I love, and the moments where I think to myself I don't know how Celebrity mums like Victoria (Posh) Beckham can honestly think that mothering is a glamorous role!

Although this wasn't the night of the dreaded FLOATER - here is Cheeky Cooper in the bath at around 8 months

Birthday Season

I’ve come to the realisation over the past 2 months that my 11 month old has more of a social life than I do at the moment, and from all accounts, when speaking to other mums things only get more complicated as they grow up. Between ferrying children between school, sports training and competition and social gatherings there leaves very little time in a week for mum’s of teenagers, but for us, or Cooper at the very least,  it’s party season; with an invitation from one his little mates all of whom are turning one from my mother’s group arriving nearly daily. It’s exciting but exhausting all at once and I’ve quickly come to learn that having a stock of age appropriate toys in storage at home  for such events is far easier than rushing out in the morning of the party, desperate to find a park in an already overcrowded mall parking lot and trying to find something before getting home wrapping it and heading off.

I find I’m scheduling play dates and catch ups with mums and bubs well in advance and well before even contemplating accepting an invitation to after works drinks or a coffee date and not that I am complaining but I’ve learnt in lightening pace that for the next 17 years at least, my job will be bank teller, taxi and party planner to Cooper Donald Rushby. That’s not to say I’ve completely given up on catching up with my single and childless friends, but with a husband that works 60 plus hours a week it’s much harder to find that time where I don’t have to have Cooper tag along. I suppose in my favour, nearly all of my closest friends have children or are about to and so they are happy to do something to accommodate that need,they understand and can sympathise as for the friends that don’t, well that’s a whole new post I will write about later.