As a new mum and I'm sure many other mums (or dads for that matter) can relate, I made a mental list of things I swore I would never do as a parent, they may be things that drove you crazy as a kid when your mum or dad did them, they may be things you have seen other parents do in public or they may just be something that is important to you for no reason at all...... truth is we all made a similar list when we knew we were expecting.
Here's the thing - you can write that list with the very best intentions, but until you have that bundle of joy in your arms you don't know what you will do, and to be honest, I feel like I'm winging it every day as a parent and as such the list of things I said I'd never do is getting smaller and smaller and here are the top 10 that I've already broken:
1. Wear tights as pants (during those last few months of pregnancy and the first few months of mummy hood I lived in tights - and I'm ashamed to say, to this day I still wear them out as pants and not just under cute dress but as pants with a top and jacket)
2. Compare Cooper to other kids his age. Despite every ones child being different, it's really hard not to compare your child's motor skills or speech development. I think this is second nature though and something you really can't control so I don't feel so bad for not sticking to this one.
3. Lick my thumb and wipe off the dirt / food or whatever it is sticking to my sons face
4. Leave the house in clothes that have either spit up, snot, or food rubbed into them
5. Use dry shampoo to disguise the fact I haven't washed my hair in 4 days, you don't realise that washing your hair is a luxury in those first few months.
6. Use the TV as a babysitter - This one is the most recent rule I've broken, 20 minutes of the wiggles = an uninterrupted chance to get something done without having Cooper follow me like a bad smell
7. Be one of those mums whose facebook status is always about her child.
8. Rush to the Doctors with every slight cough or sniffle - I must say I am getting better at this one, but for a while there I swear the receptionist at Florey Medical Centre new my name, number and medicare card details off by heart.
9. Spend an entire day in my pyjamas - no explanation necessary
And finally the number 10 thing I said I'd never do as a parent and have done:
10. Tell my son no one will ever love him as much as his mummy - I dated a guy once who's mum told her son right in front of me that no one will ever love him as much as she did - well it turned out i didn't, but I swore I'd never do that. I think it took me all of 1 or 2 days to break this one.
Saturday, 16 June 2012
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
Teething and Trantrums
This week has been an interesting one. It's been long, tiresome and challenging. Cooper is teething again. Molars I think. I haven't been able to have a close inspection, the little tyke does not like fingers nearing his mouth. However the amount of drool and the screams when he has to chew his food, or in his sleep is a pretty good indicator, I'm just hoping they cut through soon.
This week I'm averaging 3-4 hours of sleep a night - the rest of the time I'm fighting with Cooper to get him to settle back to sleep, and more than once this week Cooper has kicked up enough of a stink to find himself sleeping with us (although he is the only one who does sleep). Alternatively there have been two occasions where I've sent Simon in to have Cooper sleep on his chest (which always works). Our saving grace in the last 7 days has been my gorgeous sister-in-law who kindly offered to have Cooper for 24 hours while Simon and I went out for dinner and had a full nights sleep, but wouldn't you know it Cooper slept like a log for her and I woke up more tired for having been well rested.
I've now concluded that Cooper is testing me. He knows how to challenge me, why else would he behave so angelically for my sister-in-law or fall instantaneously back to sleep when Simon places him on his chest, but he fights, screams and scratches when I try. Toddlers are amazingly cunning and clever little beings. Just the other day a girlfriend of mine was telling me her 14 month old would try to distract her by doing something clever before quickly running to do something he knew he wasn't supposed to and Cooper is just the same. If I tell him he can't have something on the table he will put his hand near it, slowly moving the hand closer and closer each time I look away until he is touching whatever it is he shouldn't be, always smiling with his dimply cheeky grin. I also suspect that his need to challenge me is why for the first time (of what I'm sure will be many) he threw a public tantrum spectacular enough to rival even the most terrible two year old.
After eating out for breakfast last weekend, while Simon finished reading his Sunday Paper, I thought I'd pass the time before doing the grocery shopping by letting Cooper pay in one of those cars that bounce up and down making noise after you put a $2 coin into them. Cooper loved it, he thought it was the best thing since sliced bread, and it kept him occupied and happy till Simon finished his paper. When the $2 ran out I picked Coops up and we started walking back to the little cafe where Simon was waiting. We got about 3 or 4 meters away from the ride when he looked back and saw another child sitting in the car, and that was it, he lost it. He started pulling on my hand, stomping his feet and then his legs turned to jelly and the bottom lip dropped. From here I cannot express how quickly it turned from a few tears to a full on melt down, the tears started, he threw himself onto the ground pushing his head back and arching his back and screaming, his face was going purple and he barely took a breath in between squeals. I was so embarrassed, I'd sworn to myself that I was not going to be "one of those mums" who yelled or dragged their child out of sight to what I'm sure was to give them a good smack on the butt. I simply stood there in shock and tried not to laugh. Still in shock I can't be sure what i actually did, but I think eventually I just said "I'm not putting up with this Cooper, we do not have public melt downs" picked him up put him under my arm and carried him like a football over to his father, Simon took one look at him told him to stop and that was the end of it. Once out of sight of the dreaded car Cooper was completely calmed down and happily sat in the shopping trolley looking up at me lovingly. I just didn't get it. Why did he think he could get away with that with me but not with Simon. I'm the one home with him most days, enforcing "no" and meaning it, he rarely listens to "no"from Simon at home,usually just looking at him puzzled as if thinking "I don't think you are allowed to tell me what to do" so why in public?
It was a test, his way of waiting to see if I would crack in public.
I'll say it again, toddlers are cunning little beings, always testing you and challenging you - and that just about sums up my exact thoughts on this week!
This week I'm averaging 3-4 hours of sleep a night - the rest of the time I'm fighting with Cooper to get him to settle back to sleep, and more than once this week Cooper has kicked up enough of a stink to find himself sleeping with us (although he is the only one who does sleep). Alternatively there have been two occasions where I've sent Simon in to have Cooper sleep on his chest (which always works). Our saving grace in the last 7 days has been my gorgeous sister-in-law who kindly offered to have Cooper for 24 hours while Simon and I went out for dinner and had a full nights sleep, but wouldn't you know it Cooper slept like a log for her and I woke up more tired for having been well rested.
I've now concluded that Cooper is testing me. He knows how to challenge me, why else would he behave so angelically for my sister-in-law or fall instantaneously back to sleep when Simon places him on his chest, but he fights, screams and scratches when I try. Toddlers are amazingly cunning and clever little beings. Just the other day a girlfriend of mine was telling me her 14 month old would try to distract her by doing something clever before quickly running to do something he knew he wasn't supposed to and Cooper is just the same. If I tell him he can't have something on the table he will put his hand near it, slowly moving the hand closer and closer each time I look away until he is touching whatever it is he shouldn't be, always smiling with his dimply cheeky grin. I also suspect that his need to challenge me is why for the first time (of what I'm sure will be many) he threw a public tantrum spectacular enough to rival even the most terrible two year old.
After eating out for breakfast last weekend, while Simon finished reading his Sunday Paper, I thought I'd pass the time before doing the grocery shopping by letting Cooper pay in one of those cars that bounce up and down making noise after you put a $2 coin into them. Cooper loved it, he thought it was the best thing since sliced bread, and it kept him occupied and happy till Simon finished his paper. When the $2 ran out I picked Coops up and we started walking back to the little cafe where Simon was waiting. We got about 3 or 4 meters away from the ride when he looked back and saw another child sitting in the car, and that was it, he lost it. He started pulling on my hand, stomping his feet and then his legs turned to jelly and the bottom lip dropped. From here I cannot express how quickly it turned from a few tears to a full on melt down, the tears started, he threw himself onto the ground pushing his head back and arching his back and screaming, his face was going purple and he barely took a breath in between squeals. I was so embarrassed, I'd sworn to myself that I was not going to be "one of those mums" who yelled or dragged their child out of sight to what I'm sure was to give them a good smack on the butt. I simply stood there in shock and tried not to laugh. Still in shock I can't be sure what i actually did, but I think eventually I just said "I'm not putting up with this Cooper, we do not have public melt downs" picked him up put him under my arm and carried him like a football over to his father, Simon took one look at him told him to stop and that was the end of it. Once out of sight of the dreaded car Cooper was completely calmed down and happily sat in the shopping trolley looking up at me lovingly. I just didn't get it. Why did he think he could get away with that with me but not with Simon. I'm the one home with him most days, enforcing "no" and meaning it, he rarely listens to "no"from Simon at home,usually just looking at him puzzled as if thinking "I don't think you are allowed to tell me what to do" so why in public?
It was a test, his way of waiting to see if I would crack in public.
I'll say it again, toddlers are cunning little beings, always testing you and challenging you - and that just about sums up my exact thoughts on this week!
 |
| this week it's a love / hate relationship |
Wednesday, 30 May 2012
Dear Cooper, a letter from your mummy on your first birthday..........
Dear Cooper,
As I sit here writing you this letter 7.46pm on the 30th of May 2012 clicks over, and exactly one year ago your daddy and I welcomed you into the world and straight into our hearts. I can not believe how quickly the time has gone and how much you have grown over this year, not just physically but mentally too. You were born at 54cm long and 3.3 kilos and you were perfect. Today you are just as perfect and remarkable, you are close to 80cm long and 12 kilos heavy, cheeky, bold, and you are my pride and joy. You will know by now that you were named after my grandfather, a man who loved his family above everything else, a man of great pride and a man I respected and loved very much. You will also know that you were born the day before the anniversary of his death, and everyday I wish that he could have lived long enough to have met you, because I know that his heart would have held you closer than it had anyone before you.
This time last year you were lying on my chest, I was feeling you breath, hearing you cry and falling more in love with you each second you existed. I can not explain to you how proud I am to be your mummy, how deeply I love you or how far I'd go to protect you from ever feeling hurt or betrayed. To watch you learn to smile, laugh, crawl, clap, wave, walk and talk, to see you mimicking your daddy and copying your mummy brings me more joy than you will ever know. I could not have asked for a better gift than you are, you have been the light of my life for 365 days and you will continue to be that light until the day I die.
You may not believe it, but right from the very start you have amazed me, you always slept well, made very little fuss and were so alert and anxious to learn new things. Everyone who has met you has fallen in love with you. You are an amazing little boy and one day, in the not so distant future you will grow into an amazing man. It is my hope that your dad and I have given you the greatest possible start in life, that we have loved you enough for you to learn to trust and love others in return, that we have given you the tools to strive for success in your education, that we have instilled good value and morals and taught you not only to respect others but to respect yourself. I know it all seems impossible to accomplish in a year, but we only want to give you what you deserve in life, and we believe you deserve all your dreams and aspirations to come true.
If there was anything that I wish for you in your life, I wish that one day you will feel the absolute joy and overwhelming sense of love that comes with having a baby. I hope that one day you will look back on this letter and know exactly what I feel for you, because you feel the exact same way about your son or daughter.
I love you. Happy first birthday my darling baby boy.
With my never ending love,
Mummy xo
As I sit here writing you this letter 7.46pm on the 30th of May 2012 clicks over, and exactly one year ago your daddy and I welcomed you into the world and straight into our hearts. I can not believe how quickly the time has gone and how much you have grown over this year, not just physically but mentally too. You were born at 54cm long and 3.3 kilos and you were perfect. Today you are just as perfect and remarkable, you are close to 80cm long and 12 kilos heavy, cheeky, bold, and you are my pride and joy. You will know by now that you were named after my grandfather, a man who loved his family above everything else, a man of great pride and a man I respected and loved very much. You will also know that you were born the day before the anniversary of his death, and everyday I wish that he could have lived long enough to have met you, because I know that his heart would have held you closer than it had anyone before you.
This time last year you were lying on my chest, I was feeling you breath, hearing you cry and falling more in love with you each second you existed. I can not explain to you how proud I am to be your mummy, how deeply I love you or how far I'd go to protect you from ever feeling hurt or betrayed. To watch you learn to smile, laugh, crawl, clap, wave, walk and talk, to see you mimicking your daddy and copying your mummy brings me more joy than you will ever know. I could not have asked for a better gift than you are, you have been the light of my life for 365 days and you will continue to be that light until the day I die.
You may not believe it, but right from the very start you have amazed me, you always slept well, made very little fuss and were so alert and anxious to learn new things. Everyone who has met you has fallen in love with you. You are an amazing little boy and one day, in the not so distant future you will grow into an amazing man. It is my hope that your dad and I have given you the greatest possible start in life, that we have loved you enough for you to learn to trust and love others in return, that we have given you the tools to strive for success in your education, that we have instilled good value and morals and taught you not only to respect others but to respect yourself. I know it all seems impossible to accomplish in a year, but we only want to give you what you deserve in life, and we believe you deserve all your dreams and aspirations to come true.
If there was anything that I wish for you in your life, I wish that one day you will feel the absolute joy and overwhelming sense of love that comes with having a baby. I hope that one day you will look back on this letter and know exactly what I feel for you, because you feel the exact same way about your son or daughter.
I love you. Happy first birthday my darling baby boy.
With my never ending love,
Mummy xo
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
A whirl wind year!
As the sun sets on Coopers first year and I sit here playing back all of the magical moments of the last 365 days in my mind and I must confess I am getting a little teary eyed. What happened to a year, where has my 54cm long, 7.4 pound new born baby boy gone? Over the course of the year I have watched my chunky little monkey develop his own little personality, learn new skills and tricks just by watching his daddy do it and get taller every week right before my eyes (well that's obvious, that's what happens when they grow right?). I've been there for that first breath, little grin, for the cutest bubbly little laugh, I've seen him rolling over for the first time, sitting up, crawling. I saw his first steps, heard his first words (which I may add was not mum, but Dadda much to Simon's delight) and now my beautiful boy is running, talking and turning one year old.
I could not be prouder of my little man and if I'm perfectly honest I could not be prouder of Simon or I for the way we have raised him and accomplished getting through this first year together. For the first time in my life I know that being a mummy to Cooper is exactly what I was meant to do with, the one thing I feel like I am truly good at. However, as he grows older the less and less he is going to need me, and that very thought makes my heart sink, if one year can go by so quickly imagine how soon the day will come where he wants me to drop him blocks away from whereever it is that he is going just so he isn't seen getting a lift with his daggy mum, or the day he stops showing me all the things he has learnt to do with a big proud grin on his face, rather shouting "I'm not doing anything", or worse still "I hate you mum".
Fortunately I know that these days are a while aways yet, I also know that the good times far out way the bad, but for now, all I can think about is the cold hard fact that it has been a year since I first held my precious baby boy in my arms, felt his chest against mine and heard the most beautiful cry in the world.
We were lucky enough to be able to celebrate Coopers birthday over the weekend with our families and closest friends, it's amazing just how many people love Cooper as much as we do. With approximately 60 guests coming to help us celebrate, Coopers 1st birthday was only 20 people shy of the number of guests Simon and I had attend our wedding reception. I know that Cooper will not remember his first birthday, but I will, for me his party was something I will never forget. I loved everything that holding a first birthday party embodies, from baking the cake, decorating in theme and going over the top with gifts for my special little dude. It was most definitely a day more about Simon and I (well me really) than it was a day for Cooper, although without him it would not have happened - I know that he would have been happy with a handful of sugary treats, a few new toys and 4 or 5 of his little playmates to run around with, but none the less it was the way I wanted it to be and I hope when Cooper looks back at the photos he will see just how special it was and how many people love him.
And so that's it..... a first birthday come and gone, a year of amazing memories, milestones and a bond between mother and child that will never be broken. I guess this post is short and sweet for the moment, but keep your eyes out for some more wonderful birthday shots like the one above and a little letter I've written to Cooper to mark one year since the day my life changed forever.
I could not be prouder of my little man and if I'm perfectly honest I could not be prouder of Simon or I for the way we have raised him and accomplished getting through this first year together. For the first time in my life I know that being a mummy to Cooper is exactly what I was meant to do with, the one thing I feel like I am truly good at. However, as he grows older the less and less he is going to need me, and that very thought makes my heart sink, if one year can go by so quickly imagine how soon the day will come where he wants me to drop him blocks away from whereever it is that he is going just so he isn't seen getting a lift with his daggy mum, or the day he stops showing me all the things he has learnt to do with a big proud grin on his face, rather shouting "I'm not doing anything", or worse still "I hate you mum".
Fortunately I know that these days are a while aways yet, I also know that the good times far out way the bad, but for now, all I can think about is the cold hard fact that it has been a year since I first held my precious baby boy in my arms, felt his chest against mine and heard the most beautiful cry in the world.
We were lucky enough to be able to celebrate Coopers birthday over the weekend with our families and closest friends, it's amazing just how many people love Cooper as much as we do. With approximately 60 guests coming to help us celebrate, Coopers 1st birthday was only 20 people shy of the number of guests Simon and I had attend our wedding reception. I know that Cooper will not remember his first birthday, but I will, for me his party was something I will never forget. I loved everything that holding a first birthday party embodies, from baking the cake, decorating in theme and going over the top with gifts for my special little dude. It was most definitely a day more about Simon and I (well me really) than it was a day for Cooper, although without him it would not have happened - I know that he would have been happy with a handful of sugary treats, a few new toys and 4 or 5 of his little playmates to run around with, but none the less it was the way I wanted it to be and I hope when Cooper looks back at the photos he will see just how special it was and how many people love him.
And so that's it..... a first birthday come and gone, a year of amazing memories, milestones and a bond between mother and child that will never be broken. I guess this post is short and sweet for the moment, but keep your eyes out for some more wonderful birthday shots like the one above and a little letter I've written to Cooper to mark one year since the day my life changed forever.
Wednesday, 23 May 2012
Who comes first Hub or Bub? ~ The importance of taking time to work on your marriage
After briefly mentioning the priority list all new mums have in an early post I thought I'd do my research. So after I prompted discussion in a on-line community board for mums and mums-to-be on "who comes first" here are my findings:
In a trend that I thought predicable 86.4% (81 votes) of mums put their babies before their husbands in terms of a priority, but many including me are all too aware that its just as important to keep the hubby happy.
For me, Simon and I wanted to have Cooper, it was a decision we made as a couple (well I may have had more input than he did, but still) and as such right now Cooper is both of our top priority and our main responsibility. I know it is not supposed to be like that, I know that my husband and our marriage should always be top of the list but I feel like we are secure in our marriage, like all couples we have great days, good days and the occasional bad day, but we love each other very much and as such date nights or weekends away alone give way to what Cooper needs and right now we both agree that he comes first.
I think MummaA said it best when she wrote "I like to know what we both have that understanding that our daughter is number 1. I personally feel like our daughter deserves that from both of us. Maybe if we "needed work" I would feel differently but I think since we have the same view on it and have a healthy marriage (and it being a right now thing) , that's fine".
MESR agrees adding "i think that right now both my husband and i focus on making sure the girls' needs are met. and i also don't think that this phase will last forever".
RHL quoted "Honestly, I can never separate the two. The family is a unit, and my relationship with all members of the family affects the rest. If my husband and I had a terrible relationship, the children would suffer, but if the children didn't get what they needed, my relationship with my husband would suffer. It is all about striking a balance.However, there are some situations when the balance isn't possible. When it is a "who do you chose, Hubby or kids," I think the answer is kids. As their mother, I am responsible for them in a way that I am not responsible for my husband. "
This is all too true, and I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to my question. I think that it is so important that Cooper grows up in a loving and stable environment so he can learn how a good relationship woks, but right now we don't actively work on our marriage. We teach him indirectly by showing him we care about him and each other, he needs to know that his every need is important to both of us in order for him to trust us and learn to trust others. However, most of all, Simon and I need to realise that one day Cooper won't needs us or rely on us as much as he does now, and one day we will have the time together that we are missing out on now.
I quote Kimbo when I say "I think it's important not to forget about your relationship. There will come a day when the children are out of the home and you it will be just the two of you again"
I know that I am no expert on marriage, after all I am still considered a newlywed having only been married for a little less than 2 years, but I suppose what is most challenging and what I feel is a reoccurring theme in successful marriages is making sure that you keep "in contact" with your partner. Ensuring that as the years go by you continue to grow together, and have things in common other than your children. Making it a priority to still have a conversation about something that does not involve your children and enjoying each others company alone, because as I've mentioned one day your children will move on and you will have to have kept the spark alive to live your lives as a couple again.
I am very blessed, I have wonderful role models in this area, my parents have been married for almost 30 years, they have 3 children (all of whom have now left home) and are more in love today than ever before. They have managed to keep the spark alive, to maintain a friendship and romance while also putting their children first. I think my Dad once said it best when he said "in life you need to find someone to laugh with, someone who's company you enjoy because in the end that's what makes a relationship work" and as I finish this post I will pick up the phone and call in a favour with the grandparents so Simon and I can enjoy some couples time alone.
In a trend that I thought predicable 86.4% (81 votes) of mums put their babies before their husbands in terms of a priority, but many including me are all too aware that its just as important to keep the hubby happy.
For me, Simon and I wanted to have Cooper, it was a decision we made as a couple (well I may have had more input than he did, but still) and as such right now Cooper is both of our top priority and our main responsibility. I know it is not supposed to be like that, I know that my husband and our marriage should always be top of the list but I feel like we are secure in our marriage, like all couples we have great days, good days and the occasional bad day, but we love each other very much and as such date nights or weekends away alone give way to what Cooper needs and right now we both agree that he comes first.
I think MummaA said it best when she wrote "I like to know what we both have that understanding that our daughter is number 1. I personally feel like our daughter deserves that from both of us. Maybe if we "needed work" I would feel differently but I think since we have the same view on it and have a healthy marriage (and it being a right now thing) , that's fine".
MESR agrees adding "i think that right now both my husband and i focus on making sure the girls' needs are met. and i also don't think that this phase will last forever".
RHL quoted "Honestly, I can never separate the two. The family is a unit, and my relationship with all members of the family affects the rest. If my husband and I had a terrible relationship, the children would suffer, but if the children didn't get what they needed, my relationship with my husband would suffer. It is all about striking a balance.However, there are some situations when the balance isn't possible. When it is a "who do you chose, Hubby or kids," I think the answer is kids. As their mother, I am responsible for them in a way that I am not responsible for my husband. "
This is all too true, and I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to my question. I think that it is so important that Cooper grows up in a loving and stable environment so he can learn how a good relationship woks, but right now we don't actively work on our marriage. We teach him indirectly by showing him we care about him and each other, he needs to know that his every need is important to both of us in order for him to trust us and learn to trust others. However, most of all, Simon and I need to realise that one day Cooper won't needs us or rely on us as much as he does now, and one day we will have the time together that we are missing out on now.
I quote Kimbo when I say "I think it's important not to forget about your relationship. There will come a day when the children are out of the home and you it will be just the two of you again"
I know that I am no expert on marriage, after all I am still considered a newlywed having only been married for a little less than 2 years, but I suppose what is most challenging and what I feel is a reoccurring theme in successful marriages is making sure that you keep "in contact" with your partner. Ensuring that as the years go by you continue to grow together, and have things in common other than your children. Making it a priority to still have a conversation about something that does not involve your children and enjoying each others company alone, because as I've mentioned one day your children will move on and you will have to have kept the spark alive to live your lives as a couple again.
I am very blessed, I have wonderful role models in this area, my parents have been married for almost 30 years, they have 3 children (all of whom have now left home) and are more in love today than ever before. They have managed to keep the spark alive, to maintain a friendship and romance while also putting their children first. I think my Dad once said it best when he said "in life you need to find someone to laugh with, someone who's company you enjoy because in the end that's what makes a relationship work" and as I finish this post I will pick up the phone and call in a favour with the grandparents so Simon and I can enjoy some couples time alone.
Saturday, 19 May 2012
The weight debate....accepting defeat or success at any cost
Its the age old dilemma that faces new mums - embrace the post pregnancy body changes and love what your body has done for you OR diet, exercise and slim down as quickly as possible.
It's hard in this day and age where everywhere you look celebrities are stepping out 4 week post baby and looking like they were never pregnant. With there size 0 frames, unbelievable body transformations and multimillion dollar weight loss endorsement deals it's no wonder women feel the pressure to slim down immediately after baby is born.
As an athletic and slim woman I found the weight gain progress during my pregnancy one of the biggest challenges. In the first trimester the changes my body went through depressed me, my bump looked more like I should be laying off the hot chips and chocolate and more like I should be hitting up the gym than it did a baby bump. I was self conscious and all to aware that people were noticing but not game to ask. As my bump grew more round I started to embrace it and by the end my very round belly was my bodies pride and joy. Throughout my pregnancy with Cooper I gained (i can't believe I'm revealing this) 17 kilos, and once Copper graced us with his presence I was a woman on a mission to get my body back, certain that breastfeeding and exercise would be my savour.
It was a lesson I learnt pretty quickly that while breastfeeding watching what you eat is not an option, and to muster the energy to exercise I needed to eat. I was so conflicted over those first few months, convinced I could lose the baby weight quickly, but finding that any time I manipulated my diet to reduce calories or carbs my milk supply would drop. I was so upset, nothing was working in my favour and an internal battle was waging between my desire to breastfeed and my desire to lose weight quickly.
In the end, breastfeeding won out - and rightly so, after all it is your job as a mum to put your child's needs before your own. They say that it takes 9 months to put on and 9 months to take off - well for me it's taken a year, after I stopped breastfeeding at 8 months I was able to look more closely at the foods I was consuming, but that alone wasn't enough, I needed to work on my portion sizes and increasing the amount I exercise.
Now all of that is not to say that my body has returned to the way that is was before. It hasn't and to be honest that's totally OK by me. Yes I am now almost exactly the weight I was pre-baby bump but the composition of my body is completely different. I am softer in places where I used to be quite firm, things are a little less perky and my hips are a little wider - but my body has done an amazing thing, it has given me Cooper, it carried my baby boy for 9 months before my arms could, it was a vessel, his home and it provided him the food and nourishment he needed to grow healthy and strong.
I guess I'm finally able to say I am proud of my body, flaws and all, and I hope that other women can feel the same. I guess getting back to my original comments, who knows what goes on behind the closed doors of a celebrity mum, they may not breastfeed and therefore can diet as they wish, they have nanny's and chefs, personal assistants and people at their beck and call 24/7 - it's an unrealistic goal and after a year I'm glad I did it my way.
It's hard in this day and age where everywhere you look celebrities are stepping out 4 week post baby and looking like they were never pregnant. With there size 0 frames, unbelievable body transformations and multimillion dollar weight loss endorsement deals it's no wonder women feel the pressure to slim down immediately after baby is born.
As an athletic and slim woman I found the weight gain progress during my pregnancy one of the biggest challenges. In the first trimester the changes my body went through depressed me, my bump looked more like I should be laying off the hot chips and chocolate and more like I should be hitting up the gym than it did a baby bump. I was self conscious and all to aware that people were noticing but not game to ask. As my bump grew more round I started to embrace it and by the end my very round belly was my bodies pride and joy. Throughout my pregnancy with Cooper I gained (i can't believe I'm revealing this) 17 kilos, and once Copper graced us with his presence I was a woman on a mission to get my body back, certain that breastfeeding and exercise would be my savour.
It was a lesson I learnt pretty quickly that while breastfeeding watching what you eat is not an option, and to muster the energy to exercise I needed to eat. I was so conflicted over those first few months, convinced I could lose the baby weight quickly, but finding that any time I manipulated my diet to reduce calories or carbs my milk supply would drop. I was so upset, nothing was working in my favour and an internal battle was waging between my desire to breastfeed and my desire to lose weight quickly.
In the end, breastfeeding won out - and rightly so, after all it is your job as a mum to put your child's needs before your own. They say that it takes 9 months to put on and 9 months to take off - well for me it's taken a year, after I stopped breastfeeding at 8 months I was able to look more closely at the foods I was consuming, but that alone wasn't enough, I needed to work on my portion sizes and increasing the amount I exercise.
Now all of that is not to say that my body has returned to the way that is was before. It hasn't and to be honest that's totally OK by me. Yes I am now almost exactly the weight I was pre-baby bump but the composition of my body is completely different. I am softer in places where I used to be quite firm, things are a little less perky and my hips are a little wider - but my body has done an amazing thing, it has given me Cooper, it carried my baby boy for 9 months before my arms could, it was a vessel, his home and it provided him the food and nourishment he needed to grow healthy and strong.
I guess I'm finally able to say I am proud of my body, flaws and all, and I hope that other women can feel the same. I guess getting back to my original comments, who knows what goes on behind the closed doors of a celebrity mum, they may not breastfeed and therefore can diet as they wish, they have nanny's and chefs, personal assistants and people at their beck and call 24/7 - it's an unrealistic goal and after a year I'm glad I did it my way.
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| Something for all new mums to remember |
Tuesday, 15 May 2012
Keeping friendships, making friendships and letting go of others
In my experience when you get married things change in your relationship with your single friends. When you have a baby things change even further and your single friends will do one of 2 things;
I am fully aware that this post may offend or irritate some people. However I suppose individuals who take offence will probably do so because it strikes a cord, or perhaps this is just my experience and I have it all totally wrong......
Since Cooper was born I have embarked on an amazing journey and I'm proud to say along the way my friendships with some have grown much closer, I've reconnected with friends I thought I may have lost and I've made some amazing new friends in the process. Sadly though I've also had to let go of others that I thought would be around forever.
Realising that once you have a baby you no longer have time for the drama and toxicity some friends bring into your life is a tough lesson, and one that took a lot of tears, angst and repetitive disappointment for me to learn. For me the realisation that I needed to let go came around the same time I went back to work and discovered that in my 8 months of maternity leave I had only received a handful of phone calls to see how I was coping and 1 visit, where I had travelled interstate 2 or 3 times to visit with Cooper in tow, it was when no matter how I was feeling or what was going on in my life, their lives were always far more dramatic, tough, busy or woe is me than mine. It was that they did not like communicating via email or facebook but I just couldn't dedicate more than 5 or 10 mins to talking on the phone without Cooper needing my attention or having to finish a chore before he woke up.
I don't deny that single men and women have busy lives, in fact some of them would have far busier lives than I do, but to compare the kind of busy a full time working mum is to that of a single socialite is naive and undermining. They are two very different kinds of busy and one more forgiving to running late than the other.
When you are a mother there is a priority list, child, husband (it's debatable which order these first two should go in; a post for a later day perhaps), family, friends, yourself and other, you will soon discover exactly who understand the order of the list and those who don't.
To keep a friendship when your number one priority is your family you really have to put in the effort when it matters, be honest, have something in common, but most of all you have to be genuine. My closest friends know that just because I may not call every week does not mean that I am not interested in their life, they just know that life is busy, it's hectic and there isn't always time to call. My closest friends and I can go weeks without catching up, but we understand each other and we know that months could go by between visits but if ever we needed advice, a shoulder to cry on or a good b!tch session about work, our husbands/partners or something that's given us the pips we could just pick up the phone and we'd have the support we need. Judgement and critisism free. I love my friends for that and if they are reading this tey should know who they are.
There are days when I wish that I could email or text the people I have let go, but much like before I wonder if I will get a response. I wonder if things have changed in their lives over the last 5 months, whether they are happy, still single or in relationships and if so whether one day they will understand the daily juggling act that is work, childcare, house work and taking care of a family. Deep down I hope they do and that one day we will be on the same page and able to mend what is currently broken.
- they will make an effort to get to know your husband and newest member of the family really well, understanding that you can no longer talk for hours on the phone or get that you can no longer go out sporadically for cocktails, rather needing at least a few days notice, or alternatively
- they will insist that your life has not changed so dramatically that you can't pack up the car at the last minute and head away for a weekend of dinners, brunches, drinks and shopping at high end retail stores, insisting that they are JUST as busy if not more so (given their hectic social life) than you are.
I am fully aware that this post may offend or irritate some people. However I suppose individuals who take offence will probably do so because it strikes a cord, or perhaps this is just my experience and I have it all totally wrong......
Since Cooper was born I have embarked on an amazing journey and I'm proud to say along the way my friendships with some have grown much closer, I've reconnected with friends I thought I may have lost and I've made some amazing new friends in the process. Sadly though I've also had to let go of others that I thought would be around forever.
Realising that once you have a baby you no longer have time for the drama and toxicity some friends bring into your life is a tough lesson, and one that took a lot of tears, angst and repetitive disappointment for me to learn. For me the realisation that I needed to let go came around the same time I went back to work and discovered that in my 8 months of maternity leave I had only received a handful of phone calls to see how I was coping and 1 visit, where I had travelled interstate 2 or 3 times to visit with Cooper in tow, it was when no matter how I was feeling or what was going on in my life, their lives were always far more dramatic, tough, busy or woe is me than mine. It was that they did not like communicating via email or facebook but I just couldn't dedicate more than 5 or 10 mins to talking on the phone without Cooper needing my attention or having to finish a chore before he woke up.
I don't deny that single men and women have busy lives, in fact some of them would have far busier lives than I do, but to compare the kind of busy a full time working mum is to that of a single socialite is naive and undermining. They are two very different kinds of busy and one more forgiving to running late than the other.
When you are a mother there is a priority list, child, husband (it's debatable which order these first two should go in; a post for a later day perhaps), family, friends, yourself and other, you will soon discover exactly who understand the order of the list and those who don't.
To keep a friendship when your number one priority is your family you really have to put in the effort when it matters, be honest, have something in common, but most of all you have to be genuine. My closest friends know that just because I may not call every week does not mean that I am not interested in their life, they just know that life is busy, it's hectic and there isn't always time to call. My closest friends and I can go weeks without catching up, but we understand each other and we know that months could go by between visits but if ever we needed advice, a shoulder to cry on or a good b!tch session about work, our husbands/partners or something that's given us the pips we could just pick up the phone and we'd have the support we need. Judgement and critisism free. I love my friends for that and if they are reading this tey should know who they are.
There are days when I wish that I could email or text the people I have let go, but much like before I wonder if I will get a response. I wonder if things have changed in their lives over the last 5 months, whether they are happy, still single or in relationships and if so whether one day they will understand the daily juggling act that is work, childcare, house work and taking care of a family. Deep down I hope they do and that one day we will be on the same page and able to mend what is currently broken.
 |
| My best friend, support system and Coopers' (fairy) Godmother with her beautiful daughter. |
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