Mason Rushby you cheeky little 2 year old

Mason,

Things I’ve learnt from you over this past 12 months…..although you can understand me and even for the most part respond to me you will do nothing unless you actually want to. I’ve learnt that you, like Cooper before you, prefer the outdoors and wide open spaces to anything offered to you inside. You are confident and comfortable where ever you are but you also look for Carter more than he looks for you for reassurance. You are happy to talk to anyone who will give you attention. You are mischievous and cheeky and oh so troublesome at times. You want to do everything on your own, you will tantrum over the wrong shoes, not being able to carry your own bag to daycare and especially being told you can’t eat slugs, worms, poop or drink from the dogs bowl. You are Brave.

You are determined to peddle your own trike….to climb the rock wall alone…. Eat seated at the table instead of your high chair. You are just determined. Your vocabulary is outstanding, with every new word I wonder how you go so clever – so many people told me that you’d be slower to learn to walk, talk, jump, run because you were premature and because you were a twin – but as I said –determined!

Over this year I have laughed and smiled with you and at you. I’ve held your hand and kissed your face 10000000 times and I’ll never get sick of hearing you say “love you mum” .

When you arrived our whole worlds changed, my ideas for our family changed and my perception of myself changed. Sometimes I feel like I am super-mum tackling each day with you and your siblings then there are times i  feel like I am barely scrapping by, am I spending enough time with you? Have I read to you enough, played with you enough, have I told you I love you enough. As you will learn as you grown there is never enough time to spend with those you love, never enough time to hug, but for you Mason, I hope I’ve given enough for you to know you belong here.

Every morning I wake to you yelling at Carter to get up from bed, and then your little face beams as I open your door and you run as fast as lightening down the hall for breakfast. At night long after your brother is asleep I hear you playing or climbing into his bed to give him toys. While you fight – you two are exactly who each other needs 100% of the time.

You love:  tormenting your brother Carter till he loses it. food, trucks (especially garbage trucks) bikes, buses, rudiger, climbing, running, football, dancing and octonaughts

You hate: sleeping, broccoli, nappy change time,  the white part of a poached egg, did I say sleeping already?

Your best friend is Carter.

You can count (with Caterina) to 10 in Italian and English, have been requesting you sit on the toilet (alas nothing happens) climb jump and run as well as must 3 year olds.

Teeth: 16 – just 2 year old molars to come

Height: 86.5cm

Weight: 12.2kilo

Your favourite food: anything with pasta in it and cheese on top. Anything that comes with a dipping sauce.
Your Favourite place: outside, at Cooper’s football or the park

The terrible Twos - Carter Rushby

Carter,

You have certainly come out of your shell. You are so much more comfortable playing on your own, you don’t go looking for Mason if he’s not around, but you do love (and hate) his company. You like to fight, I don’t know if its watching Cooper play football or just wrestling with Dad, but tackling people is you favourite thing! You still love your cuddles and you’ll fight anyone who’s cuddling mum when you want to. You shower me with kisses and cuddles whenever you get the chance. You are cautious and you are shy. I often hear you singing songs or making up babbling stories as you play, but the second you catch someone watching you it all stops. Zoe is still your everything, whenever mums roused on you or Mason has upset you in any way you turn to Zoe to make it right. Now let me tell you, you Carter John Rushby can tantrum with the best of them kid - you will full on pitch a fit for no good reason, go stiff as a board and throw yourself to the ground, scream, kick and hit like the whole of Kmart isn't watching...... but that's just one side of you... the other side is sickly sweet.

You are happy laying around inside with books and trains but nothing beats throwing and catching with dad when he’s home. You are super clever, you like puzzles and building things. You are the Calm to Mason’s Storm and I love that you are both such individual and independent little beings. When he wakes you each morning you beam at him, both laugh and giggle and then run down the hall yelling "breakfast breakfast" until we oblige. I just love your bond.

You love to cheer, you are everyone's biggest supporter – you yell and clap and cheer from the sidelines of netball games, football matches and BMX racing. Your little “GOOOO BUBBA”  is Cooper’s favourite thing to hear from the side line. I hope you are always your siblings biggest fan!

You cheer in the car when you realise it’s a daycare day and you aren’t fond of Caterina when Mums at home. You really are my little koala kid, you spend most nights in bed with us, or at the very least the wee hours of the morning. Whether it’s because Mason has crawled into your bed and you’re not happy about it, or because the dummy just isn’t cutting it to sooth you back to sleep – I don’t mind, neither does your Dad, because  I know one day I’ll have blinked and these days will seem like a distance memory, I know one day I’ll ask for a hug and it’ll come on the provision that your friends don’t see it. I know right now I am where you feel safe, and I hope you always look to me for that security.  Much like your brother I spend my days telling you how amazing and special you are, how I love you and how you complete our family – I hope you always know and feel that you were meant to be our child and that we wouldn’t have life without you in.

You love: sleep, tackling Mason, food, balls, books, rudiger, music and shaun the sheep

You hate: when Mason is cuddling mum, apple skin,

Your best friends:  Mason and Zoe

Teeth: 16 and working on 4 molars as we speak

You can: count to ten and randomly sing the ABC song, dance and tackle

Height: 87.6cm

Weight: 13 kilo

Your Favourite Food: curried sausages with mash

Your Favourite Place: the shower, mummys lap or bed

Our only daughter turns 6

To our darling daughter, miss Zoebelle on your 6th birthday, 

This past year has simply been our favourite to date with you. You have grown up into such a sassy, independent, strong willed and curious little girl. You love everything from mascara to mud cakes and we love how you don’t fit within a box, that you’ve made your own rules for who you want to be. You dance to the beat of your own drum, and this year despite loving to dance you very directly told me you didn’t want to go to dance school anymore because you can choreograph your own routines to dance to. You are Princess Tomboy and why the hell shouldn’t you be! Who says you have to choose. Everything is still very dramatic when it comes to you, your screams, giggles and crying would rival that of an Oscar winner. This year as for the past 2 years nothing we say can keep you away from the twins, we can tell you till we’re blue in the face to stop cuddling, picking them up, interfering with their independent play time but you just can’t help yourself. You love those boys sooo much and boy do they know who to turn to when mum has roused on them! 

You are going from strength to strength at school and if it wasn’t for your endless love of drawing, colouring and crafting I would bet you’d do even better with your reading! School for you is much more about being with your friends and playing than it is excelling at spelling or maths. Never the less you are always praised for your leadership and outstanding efforts in class – and for us that’s’ all we can ask for. You are social and funny and super confident about your place in the world and that’s why we love you.  

Over this past 12 months you started playing netball, spoken at school assembly, been to Australia Zoo, Wet and Wild, Movie World, Byron bay and Coffs Harbour. We’ve done beach trips, WNBL basketball grand finals, baseball games, raiders matches and bush walks – but top of your must do list is always have a slumber party with friends. Well baby girl this year, for your 6th birthday that’s exactly what you got! The giggles, karaoke, whispers and laughter that filled our home filled us all with joy. While there wasn’t much sleep had nothing beats seeing your smile the next morning.  

Now let’s talk about that smile. That smile gets you anything from your poppys and most of the time it gets you anything from your dad too. That smile could light up the world and when you smile everyone around you smiles. You are truly the most beautiful girl, your beautiful porcelain skin touched by tiny freckles across your nose, those piercing blue eyes with the longest dark lashes, perfectly pouted pink lips and hair that shines in the sun all make me wonder how I could create something so flawless in every way.  

You Love: lip gloss, your twin brothers, make up, wrestling dad, spending time on the farm, rock exploring at the beach, dancing, dressing up, CRAFT… all the craft all the time. 

Your Best friends are: Ruby, Rosie, Emmy, Elsie and Sophia 

You play: netball – and as I write this I’m looking into rock climbing as a sport for you as nothing else we’ve offered really sticks with you.  

Your Favourite food is: sushi…. Seriously – when given the option you’ll always pick sushi!, but you also love mums berry crumble, pepper steak pie and the ever popular Rushby tasting plates. 

You hate:  having to follow anyone else’s rules, bad smells, anytime there’s blood, vomit or poop around, going to bed before cooper (in fact anything that cooper gets to do and you don’t you hate)  

You have all your baby teeth – not a single wobbly one yet 

The most memorable milestones this year: going to movie world, seeing skyfire fireworks, breaking your arm on holidays  and having your very first slumber party.  

You are 115cm tall 

You weigh 20kg 

Happy birthday miss Z, we love you, you’ve made our world a much brighter place and without you I wouldn’t be complete.  

Cake with cousns

her Glamping slumber party was a huge success

the girls in their onesies

All the sweetest things for our sweet girl

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – lets talk about it….. .....

When you hear the acronym PTSD what’s the first thing that pops into your mind?

Army War Vets?

War Widdows?

Well that’s probably where 99% of people go when they hear it, but what about NICU families, or mothers who suffered birth trauma or have watched their children die?  The thing is that a lot of mothers who suffer Post Natal Depression may instead be suffering undiagnosed PTSD.

The cold hard fact is that in Australia 16% of mothers suffer from PTSD, many of them mothers to pre-term babies, or those who suffered major complications during child birth. For me though every year for the past 2 years around May I start to suffer debilitating anxiety. Diagnosed as PTSD last year the very thought of me heading to the shops or inside play centre with my boys strikes absolute terror into my body that cripples me.

Ever wondered why you didn't know ?? Here's why, because the sigma mental illness carries is burden enough to break a person. They'll view me as weak I think. When now i realise that i am far from that.

My PTSD strikes as we lead into the anniversary of my babies being hospitalised with RSV (see earlier posts). The very thought of winter bugs, viruses, exposure to unvaxinated children or adults, people coughing without covering their mouths, visitors kissing my boys on the hands and lips, sitting my boys in shopping trolleys or playing with childcare toys that aren’t cleaned daily send me into a complete panic and I withdraw from everything that I believe exposes them to risk. From the months of May-August you will not see me in shopping centres with my boys, I won’t attend parties with them where there’s a chance someone may turn up unwell, I religiously tell visitors to wash their hands, cover their mouths and not kiss my babies hands or lips. I carry hand sanitizer everywhere and purify my house with burning essential oils. I stock up on hundreds of dollars of pre and probiotics, vita gummies and high strength vitamin C tablets.

This is my story of PTSD and it’s important to share, because not everyone will understand why you may withdraw from certain situations or react the way you do. They will see me for 9 months of the year completely care free, as my boys eat dirt, pick food up from the floor and chew on it, and kiss people on the face with wide open mouths. While you may think I’m completely irrational leading into winter it doesn’t matter, for me Winter triggers horrific memories and the association between winter and illness for me as someone who suffers PTSD is 100% real.

For me as my boys grow bigger I know they grow stronger, the more winters they see the more exposure to germs and the stronger their immunity gets – but sometimes knowing that doesn’t help the intense fear you feel when you recall your lifeless babies strapped to machines to help them breath playing on repeat in your mind over and over again until spring comes and the winter germs disappear.

So there it is……PTSD lurks amongst so many of us and it doesn’t discriminate, it’s just another reason why you should chose to be KIND before judgmental, to ask are you OK before shutting them out and to never assume that just because someone doesn’t talk about it doesn’t mean it’s not happening.   

To my 7 year old..... Happy Birthday Cooper

To the boy whole stole my heart 7 years ago, who changed the very core of who I thought I was, the boy who calls me mumma and wraps his arms around me and whispers I love you, to Cooper, Happy birthday.

This year you have grown so much, not just in height (but boy did you shoot up) but as a big brother and a friend. You still remain as loyal as a Labrador to you friends, sticking by them, standing up for them and resolving conflict for them. For you at 7, everything revolves around your friends, for me, you at 7 means running around arranging play dates, constantly in contact with other mums, chasing you between sporting commitments and packing mountains of food in your lunch box. For you at 7 it looks like Minecraft, BEGGING for Fortnight (but mum always saying no), iPad games, PS4 Infinity, nature documentaries, bikes, skateboards, footballs, Raiders, soccer and reading……. So much reading. You are smart. Gosh kid you are smart, you solves maths problems easily, and I often find myself giving you work a year above your level as homework just to keep it challenging. You can finish a book with easy before bed time and you absorb information like a sponge. While you still may be kind and sensitive you are also getting braver and more confident. School has helped you grow immensely, your teachers always tell me that you are an empathetic class leader and are always offering assistance to those that need it. You are in your element playing football and soccer and I just love watching you develop your skills and friendships outside of school.

You insisted on a minecraft cake for your party

You love to talk, every little detail that pops into your head comes out your mouth, but that’s what 7 is about. Poppy tells me you like the comfort of your sister when you stay at their place without us, you’ve always been more careful and considerate of your environment without us, I know one day that won’t be the case, so for now I enjoy that you take comfort still in my warm hugs.

Watching you and your brothers fills my heart. You’re not a full on as your sister is with them, but those moments I catch you playing trains with them, reading them stories and making them laugh fill my soul with joy. They could not have a better role model than you.

The bond you and your dad have melts my heart, he may be tougher on you than Zoe, but you are his absolute pride and joy, when you tackle hard, run hard and pedal fast he beams. When you play wrestle the belly laughs fill the house and it fills his heart.

Our lives changed when you were born, you made us different people, taught us to believe in something bigger and everything you do makes our lives richer. I love you with every fibre of my being. I smile when you are happy and cry when you are sad. I am loving every minute of being your mum, relishing the moments that I know won’t last forever. Happy birthday Cooper. We couldn’t be prouder of you.

Sometimes as a mum you only have time for a store bought cake and
smarties to decorate but you know whats great,
he couldn't have been happier. Whats even more beautiful is that he chose
this cake, because he knew his dad would eat some too.

 At 7 you:

Love – Going to Raiders games, hanging with your friends, iPad games, Reading, your grandparents visiting, Forster Holidays, Wrestling with your dad, LEGO and laughing at the twins when they copy you.

Hate – Capsicum, Onion, when Zoe won’t let you have a moment’s peace, going to bed at 7, waiting for Zoe to finish dancing and the smell of the boys nappies.

Play – Football for U7 Blue Warriors, Soccer for the Foxes, BMX at Canberra BMX club,

Your favourite food is – Nachos, Spag bol, Roast Chicken Legs and Berry crumble with yoghurt.

Your best friends are – Liam Carter, Lewis Kelsey and Paxton Cordwell

You have lost 5 teeth.

You are 129.5cm tall

You weigh 27 kilos

Carter, my youngest baby is 1

Carter,

My little serious snuggle bunny. You are one. I blinked and you’re one. My very last baby is now a toddler. One for you means lots of cuddles, talking to yourself in your cot before every sleep or nap long after your brother is asleep, big sloppy kisses and a cheeky grin, clapping hands whenever food is around or you've done something clever and sitting happily watching your brother get into mischief. 

You and Mason couldn’t be more different, and that is why we love you both. From the very start you were always going to be the more gentler soul, caring and thoughtful. You follow Zoe around cuddling her and she loves it. You take longer to warm to people and like the comfort of mummy’s arms in strange places. You look before you leap. I believe that all of this is true because if it wasn’t for your impatient brother you would have happily stayed snuggled up under my ribs for a few weeks in utero, I think that you are who you’ve been since the day you were conceived.

I honestly feel like it’s been a blur of a year. I remember so clearly the day (or should I say night) you arrived and how little and perfect you were, how long it took me to hold you and how I’ve never been so pleased to hear your cry. I remember my world standing still as you struggled for life with RSV. I remember feeling as though I was torturing you as Doctors and Nurses performed test after test on you. I remember holding your tiny hand through it all.

You are bigger than your brother, and while it took you a while to realise it, when you did you wouldn’t let him bully you anymore. You give as good as you get when you fight over toys, and now you use your size to beat him. I think you’ll always be my affectionate boy and I hope that you are.

Your dad has always been besotted by his kiddos, his pride when he introduced you and your brother to his dad was my favourite moment of that first week in the Special Care Nursery. He loves your cuddles, his heart leaps when you lay your head on his chest or he calms you when I simply can’t.  Your dad spends every Friday at home with you, one day I hope you know how special that is, how lucky you are to have such a hands on dad. 

I can’t believe how quickly you have grown, how lucky I am and how special our family feels with you as a part of it. My baby boy, you amaze me, you are my miracle boy.

Happy birthday Carter John Rushby. We love you.

Your Milestones:

You smiled at 19.7.17

You rolled:1.9.17

You laughed: 22.9.17

You crawled: 6.2.18

Your first word was Bub on 19.1.18

Your first tooth: 3.1.18

At One:

Favourite food – Spag Bol, but you also love greek yoghurt with banana mashed through it

Your favourite toy is: the pull along alligator, steering wheel toy and the toy cash register that sings

You have never slept through the night.... not ever!

You can say – mum, bub, dad, up and brrrrruuuummmm

You have: 6 teeth

You love: to bop to music, the warm hugs of your sister and mum

You have been in an emergency ambulance 2 times

You are: 73.2cm tall

You weigh: 11kg

Mason Francis Rusbhy.... 1 today!

Mason,

You are one. I blinked and you’re one. One for you means never stopping, and always being on the go, too busy to cuddle, never wanting to be still and forever demanding to be allowed outside and to taste everyone's food. 

From the very start you were always going to be your own person, do your own thing, stop for nobody. I have loved your independence, and your happy nature, I’ve love the beautiful moments we’ve shared alone but I’ve loved even more the moments we’ve shared with your siblings.

I honestly feel like it’s been a blur of a year. I remember so clearly the day (or should I say night) you arrived and how little and perfect you were. I remember the fear I felt bringing you home but how easy you made it for me. I remember how hard it was when you fell ill. I remember my heart stopping when your breathing did. I remember your little body fighting. I remember your tiny fingers wrapped around mine. I remember how strong you were and still are. 

You tease your brother. You love to snatch his toys and crawl after him when he’s doing something you want to do. I know you’ll be the kind of twin who always notes you are the eldest by 2 whole minutes. You’re going to be a leader.

Your dad has always been besotted by his kiddos, but his pride when he introduced you and your brother to his dad was my favourite moment of that first week with you in the Special Care Nursery. He loves your spirit, he loves the big deep belly laughs you give him when he tickles you with his beard.  Your dad spends every Friday at home with you,, one day I hope you know how special that is, how special you are and how he love you dearly. He still checks on you every night before bed as he did with your older brother and sister, worries over you being too hot, too cold.

Your arrival into our family has enriched so many peoples lives, mine more than anyone else. I’m so blessed to call you son, I'm so honored you call me mum.

Happy birthday Mason Francis Rushby. We love you.

Your Milestones:

You smiled at 19.7.17

You rolled:28.6.17

You laughed: 15.9.17

You crawled: 14.1.18

Your first word was Dada on 26.1.18

Your first tooth: 31.3.18

First steps: 13.5.18 - 7 steps in a row

At One:

Favourite food – you are not at all fussy, you love grilled Salmon and mashed potato, you’ll happily eat chickpeas and veggies, you definitely love weetbix.

Your favourite toy is: your walker, books and cars

You have slept through the night 1 time (4.5.18)

You can say – mum, bub, dad, up, woof, roar and brummmm

You love to point, clap and smile

You have: 5 teeth

You have been in an ambulance 2 times

You are: 73cm tall

You weigh: 10kg