my village

If you're a mum, you would have heard the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" - I 100% agree with this statement, and I think for many years now women have been struggling through parenthood alone, feeling like it's one giant competition among other mothers about who does what best. For me, I found the start of my village 8 weeks after I had Cooper. I turned up to my first ever mothers group so nervous, anxious about how I would be judged for how I'd chosen to parent. I COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MORE WRONG.

For 7 years now these women have been the core of my village, along the way I've lost friends and  I've gained friends - this post is dedicated to those women in my village.

They say that in a crisis you will find out who your real friends are. In my crisis I discovered the power of my village. I discovered that all the oceans in all the world can't stop people from offering assistance. I discovered that there are people I did not know who cared more about helping me and my family than some of those I do know.

I discovered that strangers can be and often are generous beyond belief.

Lets go back a few weeks. My twin boys were newbies, I'd recently joined CARMBA (Canberra region multiple births association) and I stepped out of my comfort zone and met up for a coffee with my area representative Sarah H (my god is this woman a special kind of wonderful) and another (equally as special to me) new twin mum Sarah L. These women.... WOW.... I felt like I'd known them for years, they built me up, they answered all my silly questions and they left me feeling empowered.

Ok. So I'd met Sarah H one time, but what she did for me over the course of the next month is why I will forever call her a friend.

The boys got sick, very sick, I was torn from my family and thrust into a hospital for weeks tending to them.

Within days Sarah has contacted CARMBA and issued a call to arms, she arranged for my empty 150L chest freezer to be filled with meals for my family, she arranged other multi mums who owned cleaning businesses  to come and help my husband keep on top of washing, and general cleaning as he traveled back and forth between the hospital, school and home. I had care packages arriving at hospital and cups of coffee and real food and her talking me through everything, ensuring me it would be OK. This women coordinated an army of strangers to care for me and my family. I mean how awesome is that. Despite her having young twin girls herself she called and texted daily to ensure I was being looked after. I couldn't believe the selflessness of this woman. It was during these harrowing moments filled with hope from strangers that I knew that in the future I would pay it forward in whatever way I could. It was then that despite what I might be going through I knew that if Sarah needed me, I'd be there - just as she was for me.

My original village of mums, my 7 year strong mothers group also stood firm by my side. We shared tears and messages of strength, they put together the most beautiful care package filled with magazines, hand lotions, shampoos, word puzzles, jewelry and snacks to help keep my energy up.

Coopers class at school prayed daily for my boys, and his teacher arranged for donations of home made baked goods and lunch box fillers to find it's way to my house to help fill my older children.

An online group of American mums of babies born in June 2011 donated money to us, to a family they'd only ever seen online to us to help us. Another group flooded my facebook page with messages of hope. 

My BFF called daily. I know the pain she felt not being close enough to help, but she did anyway.

Over the years I've given up on a lot of friendships, friends that wouldn't celebrate my wins with me but rather harbored jealousy when I'd succeed, friends that competed with me at every turn, friends that only ever took but never gave. But for every friend I've let go I've found someone even more wonderful, women who build you up, who actively fill your cup when it's running on empty, who celebrate the journey you are taking in motherhood.

It's those mums who have children in the same class as yours. Those women who you meet through work who just inspire you to be better. It's strangers who open their heart at a coffee date set up through a facebook page.

My village are these people, and every single day I am thankful for them.

So to you, whoever might be reading this, I challenge you to stop and let others in. Meet those new mums from school, talk to the lady who just started in the office, go to those forced mothers groups for the first few weeks, take a leap of faith on a catch up created by a facebook group. These are the women who might form your village, and believe me when I say, one day when you need a friend they'll be there when others might not have.

xx