Our only daughter turns 6

To our darling daughter, miss Zoebelle on your 6th birthday, 

This past year has simply been our favourite to date with you. You have grown up into such a sassy, independent, strong willed and curious little girl. You love everything from mascara to mud cakes and we love how you don’t fit within a box, that you’ve made your own rules for who you want to be. You dance to the beat of your own drum, and this year despite loving to dance you very directly told me you didn’t want to go to dance school anymore because you can choreograph your own routines to dance to. You are Princess Tomboy and why the hell shouldn’t you be! Who says you have to choose. Everything is still very dramatic when it comes to you, your screams, giggles and crying would rival that of an Oscar winner. This year as for the past 2 years nothing we say can keep you away from the twins, we can tell you till we’re blue in the face to stop cuddling, picking them up, interfering with their independent play time but you just can’t help yourself. You love those boys sooo much and boy do they know who to turn to when mum has roused on them! 

You are going from strength to strength at school and if it wasn’t for your endless love of drawing, colouring and crafting I would bet you’d do even better with your reading! School for you is much more about being with your friends and playing than it is excelling at spelling or maths. Never the less you are always praised for your leadership and outstanding efforts in class – and for us that’s’ all we can ask for. You are social and funny and super confident about your place in the world and that’s why we love you.  

Over this past 12 months you started playing netball, spoken at school assembly, been to Australia Zoo, Wet and Wild, Movie World, Byron bay and Coffs Harbour. We’ve done beach trips, WNBL basketball grand finals, baseball games, raiders matches and bush walks – but top of your must do list is always have a slumber party with friends. Well baby girl this year, for your 6th birthday that’s exactly what you got! The giggles, karaoke, whispers and laughter that filled our home filled us all with joy. While there wasn’t much sleep had nothing beats seeing your smile the next morning.  

Now let’s talk about that smile. That smile gets you anything from your poppys and most of the time it gets you anything from your dad too. That smile could light up the world and when you smile everyone around you smiles. You are truly the most beautiful girl, your beautiful porcelain skin touched by tiny freckles across your nose, those piercing blue eyes with the longest dark lashes, perfectly pouted pink lips and hair that shines in the sun all make me wonder how I could create something so flawless in every way.  

You Love: lip gloss, your twin brothers, make up, wrestling dad, spending time on the farm, rock exploring at the beach, dancing, dressing up, CRAFT… all the craft all the time. 

Your Best friends are: Ruby, Rosie, Emmy, Elsie and Sophia 

You play: netball – and as I write this I’m looking into rock climbing as a sport for you as nothing else we’ve offered really sticks with you.  

Your Favourite food is: sushi…. Seriously – when given the option you’ll always pick sushi!, but you also love mums berry crumble, pepper steak pie and the ever popular Rushby tasting plates. 

You hate:  having to follow anyone else’s rules, bad smells, anytime there’s blood, vomit or poop around, going to bed before cooper (in fact anything that cooper gets to do and you don’t you hate)  

You have all your baby teeth – not a single wobbly one yet 

The most memorable milestones this year: going to movie world, seeing skyfire fireworks, breaking your arm on holidays  and having your very first slumber party.  

You are 115cm tall 

You weigh 20kg 

Happy birthday miss Z, we love you, you’ve made our world a much brighter place and without you I wouldn’t be complete.  

Cake with cousns

her Glamping slumber party was a huge success

the girls in their onesies

All the sweetest things for our sweet girl

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – lets talk about it….. .....

When you hear the acronym PTSD what’s the first thing that pops into your mind?

Army War Vets?

War Widdows?

Well that’s probably where 99% of people go when they hear it, but what about NICU families, or mothers who suffered birth trauma or have watched their children die?  The thing is that a lot of mothers who suffer Post Natal Depression may instead be suffering undiagnosed PTSD.

The cold hard fact is that in Australia 16% of mothers suffer from PTSD, many of them mothers to pre-term babies, or those who suffered major complications during child birth. For me though every year for the past 2 years around May I start to suffer debilitating anxiety. Diagnosed as PTSD last year the very thought of me heading to the shops or inside play centre with my boys strikes absolute terror into my body that cripples me.

Ever wondered why you didn't know ?? Here's why, because the sigma mental illness carries is burden enough to break a person. They'll view me as weak I think. When now i realise that i am far from that.

My PTSD strikes as we lead into the anniversary of my babies being hospitalised with RSV (see earlier posts). The very thought of winter bugs, viruses, exposure to unvaxinated children or adults, people coughing without covering their mouths, visitors kissing my boys on the hands and lips, sitting my boys in shopping trolleys or playing with childcare toys that aren’t cleaned daily send me into a complete panic and I withdraw from everything that I believe exposes them to risk. From the months of May-August you will not see me in shopping centres with my boys, I won’t attend parties with them where there’s a chance someone may turn up unwell, I religiously tell visitors to wash their hands, cover their mouths and not kiss my babies hands or lips. I carry hand sanitizer everywhere and purify my house with burning essential oils. I stock up on hundreds of dollars of pre and probiotics, vita gummies and high strength vitamin C tablets.

This is my story of PTSD and it’s important to share, because not everyone will understand why you may withdraw from certain situations or react the way you do. They will see me for 9 months of the year completely care free, as my boys eat dirt, pick food up from the floor and chew on it, and kiss people on the face with wide open mouths. While you may think I’m completely irrational leading into winter it doesn’t matter, for me Winter triggers horrific memories and the association between winter and illness for me as someone who suffers PTSD is 100% real.

For me as my boys grow bigger I know they grow stronger, the more winters they see the more exposure to germs and the stronger their immunity gets – but sometimes knowing that doesn’t help the intense fear you feel when you recall your lifeless babies strapped to machines to help them breath playing on repeat in your mind over and over again until spring comes and the winter germs disappear.

So there it is……PTSD lurks amongst so many of us and it doesn’t discriminate, it’s just another reason why you should chose to be KIND before judgmental, to ask are you OK before shutting them out and to never assume that just because someone doesn’t talk about it doesn’t mean it’s not happening.   

To my 7 year old..... Happy Birthday Cooper

To the boy whole stole my heart 7 years ago, who changed the very core of who I thought I was, the boy who calls me mumma and wraps his arms around me and whispers I love you, to Cooper, Happy birthday.

This year you have grown so much, not just in height (but boy did you shoot up) but as a big brother and a friend. You still remain as loyal as a Labrador to you friends, sticking by them, standing up for them and resolving conflict for them. For you at 7, everything revolves around your friends, for me, you at 7 means running around arranging play dates, constantly in contact with other mums, chasing you between sporting commitments and packing mountains of food in your lunch box. For you at 7 it looks like Minecraft, BEGGING for Fortnight (but mum always saying no), iPad games, PS4 Infinity, nature documentaries, bikes, skateboards, footballs, Raiders, soccer and reading……. So much reading. You are smart. Gosh kid you are smart, you solves maths problems easily, and I often find myself giving you work a year above your level as homework just to keep it challenging. You can finish a book with easy before bed time and you absorb information like a sponge. While you still may be kind and sensitive you are also getting braver and more confident. School has helped you grow immensely, your teachers always tell me that you are an empathetic class leader and are always offering assistance to those that need it. You are in your element playing football and soccer and I just love watching you develop your skills and friendships outside of school.

You insisted on a minecraft cake for your party

You love to talk, every little detail that pops into your head comes out your mouth, but that’s what 7 is about. Poppy tells me you like the comfort of your sister when you stay at their place without us, you’ve always been more careful and considerate of your environment without us, I know one day that won’t be the case, so for now I enjoy that you take comfort still in my warm hugs.

Watching you and your brothers fills my heart. You’re not a full on as your sister is with them, but those moments I catch you playing trains with them, reading them stories and making them laugh fill my soul with joy. They could not have a better role model than you.

The bond you and your dad have melts my heart, he may be tougher on you than Zoe, but you are his absolute pride and joy, when you tackle hard, run hard and pedal fast he beams. When you play wrestle the belly laughs fill the house and it fills his heart.

Our lives changed when you were born, you made us different people, taught us to believe in something bigger and everything you do makes our lives richer. I love you with every fibre of my being. I smile when you are happy and cry when you are sad. I am loving every minute of being your mum, relishing the moments that I know won’t last forever. Happy birthday Cooper. We couldn’t be prouder of you.

Sometimes as a mum you only have time for a store bought cake and
smarties to decorate but you know whats great,
he couldn't have been happier. Whats even more beautiful is that he chose
this cake, because he knew his dad would eat some too.

 At 7 you:

Love – Going to Raiders games, hanging with your friends, iPad games, Reading, your grandparents visiting, Forster Holidays, Wrestling with your dad, LEGO and laughing at the twins when they copy you.

Hate – Capsicum, Onion, when Zoe won’t let you have a moment’s peace, going to bed at 7, waiting for Zoe to finish dancing and the smell of the boys nappies.

Play – Football for U7 Blue Warriors, Soccer for the Foxes, BMX at Canberra BMX club,

Your favourite food is – Nachos, Spag bol, Roast Chicken Legs and Berry crumble with yoghurt.

Your best friends are – Liam Carter, Lewis Kelsey and Paxton Cordwell

You have lost 5 teeth.

You are 129.5cm tall

You weigh 27 kilos

Carter, my youngest baby is 1

Carter,

My little serious snuggle bunny. You are one. I blinked and you’re one. My very last baby is now a toddler. One for you means lots of cuddles, talking to yourself in your cot before every sleep or nap long after your brother is asleep, big sloppy kisses and a cheeky grin, clapping hands whenever food is around or you've done something clever and sitting happily watching your brother get into mischief. 

You and Mason couldn’t be more different, and that is why we love you both. From the very start you were always going to be the more gentler soul, caring and thoughtful. You follow Zoe around cuddling her and she loves it. You take longer to warm to people and like the comfort of mummy’s arms in strange places. You look before you leap. I believe that all of this is true because if it wasn’t for your impatient brother you would have happily stayed snuggled up under my ribs for a few weeks in utero, I think that you are who you’ve been since the day you were conceived.

I honestly feel like it’s been a blur of a year. I remember so clearly the day (or should I say night) you arrived and how little and perfect you were, how long it took me to hold you and how I’ve never been so pleased to hear your cry. I remember my world standing still as you struggled for life with RSV. I remember feeling as though I was torturing you as Doctors and Nurses performed test after test on you. I remember holding your tiny hand through it all.

You are bigger than your brother, and while it took you a while to realise it, when you did you wouldn’t let him bully you anymore. You give as good as you get when you fight over toys, and now you use your size to beat him. I think you’ll always be my affectionate boy and I hope that you are.

Your dad has always been besotted by his kiddos, his pride when he introduced you and your brother to his dad was my favourite moment of that first week in the Special Care Nursery. He loves your cuddles, his heart leaps when you lay your head on his chest or he calms you when I simply can’t.  Your dad spends every Friday at home with you, one day I hope you know how special that is, how lucky you are to have such a hands on dad. 

I can’t believe how quickly you have grown, how lucky I am and how special our family feels with you as a part of it. My baby boy, you amaze me, you are my miracle boy.

Happy birthday Carter John Rushby. We love you.

Your Milestones:

You smiled at 19.7.17

You rolled:1.9.17

You laughed: 22.9.17

You crawled: 6.2.18

Your first word was Bub on 19.1.18

Your first tooth: 3.1.18

At One:

Favourite food – Spag Bol, but you also love greek yoghurt with banana mashed through it

Your favourite toy is: the pull along alligator, steering wheel toy and the toy cash register that sings

You have never slept through the night.... not ever!

You can say – mum, bub, dad, up and brrrrruuuummmm

You have: 6 teeth

You love: to bop to music, the warm hugs of your sister and mum

You have been in an emergency ambulance 2 times

You are: 73.2cm tall

You weigh: 11kg

Mason Francis Rusbhy.... 1 today!

Mason,

You are one. I blinked and you’re one. One for you means never stopping, and always being on the go, too busy to cuddle, never wanting to be still and forever demanding to be allowed outside and to taste everyone's food. 

From the very start you were always going to be your own person, do your own thing, stop for nobody. I have loved your independence, and your happy nature, I’ve love the beautiful moments we’ve shared alone but I’ve loved even more the moments we’ve shared with your siblings.

I honestly feel like it’s been a blur of a year. I remember so clearly the day (or should I say night) you arrived and how little and perfect you were. I remember the fear I felt bringing you home but how easy you made it for me. I remember how hard it was when you fell ill. I remember my heart stopping when your breathing did. I remember your little body fighting. I remember your tiny fingers wrapped around mine. I remember how strong you were and still are. 

You tease your brother. You love to snatch his toys and crawl after him when he’s doing something you want to do. I know you’ll be the kind of twin who always notes you are the eldest by 2 whole minutes. You’re going to be a leader.

Your dad has always been besotted by his kiddos, but his pride when he introduced you and your brother to his dad was my favourite moment of that first week with you in the Special Care Nursery. He loves your spirit, he loves the big deep belly laughs you give him when he tickles you with his beard.  Your dad spends every Friday at home with you,, one day I hope you know how special that is, how special you are and how he love you dearly. He still checks on you every night before bed as he did with your older brother and sister, worries over you being too hot, too cold.

Your arrival into our family has enriched so many peoples lives, mine more than anyone else. I’m so blessed to call you son, I'm so honored you call me mum.

Happy birthday Mason Francis Rushby. We love you.

Your Milestones:

You smiled at 19.7.17

You rolled:28.6.17

You laughed: 15.9.17

You crawled: 14.1.18

Your first word was Dada on 26.1.18

Your first tooth: 31.3.18

First steps: 13.5.18 - 7 steps in a row

At One:

Favourite food – you are not at all fussy, you love grilled Salmon and mashed potato, you’ll happily eat chickpeas and veggies, you definitely love weetbix.

Your favourite toy is: your walker, books and cars

You have slept through the night 1 time (4.5.18)

You can say – mum, bub, dad, up, woof, roar and brummmm

You love to point, clap and smile

You have: 5 teeth

You have been in an ambulance 2 times

You are: 73cm tall

You weigh: 10kg

Zoe is 5!

   

Zoe, affectionately nicknamed Poppet by your Dad; YOU ARE 5! 

The days turned to weeks, the weeks, to months the months to years, and now we are here!

Over the past 12 months your life has changed dramatically, but with every new change you embraced it, standing strong and true to yourself and proving to us that you are resilient, brave and smart beyond belief. 

The arrival of your twin baby brothers shortly after your birthday last year was the proudest moment of your short life. You genuinely treat those boys as if you birthed them. In fact i have heard you say "come to your other mummy boys"as I've roused on them for pulling on the PS4 cables for the hundredth time. I have never seen a more doting sibling. That first visit to the NICU to see them you beamed with absolute pride and since that day you are constantly kissing, cuddling and picking up the boys to move them from one activity to another. I often hear you say things like “its ok sweet heart, Zoe is here” or “oh darling, don’t cry sweet pea, I’m here now, it’ll be all OK”.  I have to remind you that being a sister is even better than being a mummy, but one day you’ll make a beautifully caring mother  Zoe, and as much as it frustrates me now I hope you will continue to have the boys backs as they grow older and more independent.  

This year you started school. The youngest in your class (and you will always be), I frequently checked in with your teacher and each and every time Miss Vance assures me that you lead class discussions, formed strong friendships and were not at all intimidated by the academics you were exposed to. You caught the bus home on your very first day and have been little miss independent since.  

You cannot and will not be coerced into anything that you don’t want to do. It’s a trait I both admire and despise right now. As I watch you playing with Cooper and his friends one afternoon they were unsuccessfully attempting to get you to do their dirty work and you held your ground, in fact I’ve been so inspired by your ability to stick up for others and yourself over the past year despite the age difference.  

In the short 5 years you’ve been mine your personality has been set in stone. You are just like me. Your Poppy Kay (as with all your grandparents) simply adores you and laughs openly, knowing exactly what I am in for into your teenage years. He loves your spirit, your brazen independence and the sweet side you bring out when you need to.  

Since sharing a room with Cooper I can see that your bond is strengthened, and while you do deliberately annoy one another I hear you comfort each other when I yell, you band together to plan how to get me to agree to something and you back each other’s white lies as to make the story more believable. He still protects you, but you in all your strength can now protect him, and you do.

  

When you become a mum you’ll realise how fleeting these years are, how quickly a child grows from baby to girl, from girl to woman. I’ve loved watching your transformation but I’m saddened that your childhood is moving so quickly. Gosh I love you darling daughter. Never stop being exactly who you are. 

At 5: 

You can: read simple readers, run faster and further than your big brother, do a handstand against the wall 

You hate: when Cooper says he wants quiet time away from you, onion, coldsores and having to use peppermint oil on them and you loath tomato skin

You love: performing, wearing your make up, your twin brothers, going to school and winning at everything. 

Your best friends are: Leah Cordwell, Willow Tank, Sophia Kay,  and Elsie and Rosie from kindergarten.

Your favourite food is: Sushi and Spaghetti Bol.  

Your favourite memory over the last year is: The day your baby brothers came home from hospital and when Oma came to the holiday house with us after Christmas. 

You weigh:  18.5kilo

You are:  109.5cm tall

You have: all your baby teeth

Sport: You play netball and Dance every week.

You and Sophia on your 5th birthday - currently obsessed with Harley Quinn