Our only daughter turns 11

 

Happy Birthday my darling daughter, another lap around the sun and what a year you've had! Gosh we are so proud of you; of your grit, determination, motivation and pursuit of excellence in everything that you do. You continue to shine at school, determined to be a school leader in year 6 next year, you have taken on band, competed for the school in all sorts of sports and continue to work hard on your academics through assignments and tests. 

You and I have really come together this year. We are fighting less and spending more time together. We spent hours making friendship bracelets and our costumes for the ERAs tour together. You are less critical of me after each coaching session for netball and carnivals. You fight me less on home work, and for the most part I never have to remind you to do chores, band practice, training and homework. You've started getting more freedom, going on walks with friends, having your own spriggy card to buy clothes or certain things you might want. You are still the apple of your Dads eye, batting those eyelashes to bend him to your will. Things with Cooper are less volatile it seems, you give him more space and he compliments you on occasion.

Things I can say to describe you through this year: 

An absolute fire cracker, spicy when you need to be but also caring, kind and thoughtful. 

The most wonderful big sister, patient and protective.  

A fierce friend, loyal to those you love. You cheer your friends on even when they are competing against you. 

You show sportsmanship and grace in defeat, and modesty in your wins.

I tell you this all the time but you make me proud every day. There is nothing that you wont try, and if you don't succeed first time, you will try over and over again until you do. Your grandparents all adore you, you love to spend time with Oma and Grandma in their kitchens (probably a reflection of me not being able to spend that type of time in the kitchen as we run between practices). Your teachers and friends parents all praise your manners and behaviour and it's so amazing to know that you are growing into a polite and respectful pre teen. Also how did we get to pre teen? This will be the hormone hijacking year no doubt. I can already see some small physicals changes and I'm nervous to say the least. 

We got you an athletics coach this year and it's really nice to see you so happy training for jumps, but also learning how to pace your longer runs, hurdle with good technique and leap further in triple jump. 

This year I want you to focus on the things that make you happy. Enjoy the little things, and don't let people dictate what you say, do, think and believe in. Keep that spirit and joy alive. Try your hardest, set those goals and believe in yourself. There are enough years ahead where self doubt creeps in, dont let this be the year. Forget your haters, leave the so called friends who dont cheer you on behind, surround yourself with people who inspire you and encourage you to do your best and who are proud of you when you do. Be you Zoe, because you are perfect just the way you are and thats the girl I love and the girl who inspires me the most.

You are:

Weight: 32.4 kilo

Height: 143cm

Favourite food: tuna morney

Favourite singer: Taylor Swift, 

Favourite song: Are you ready for it? T.S

Best Friends: Teuila, Ruby and Phoebe

Hates: Liars and Bullies

You play: Athletics, Soccer, Touch footy and Netball and you are still smashing goals with each of them

You want to be: an Athlete and a singer

The years Highlights:

ACT school Athletics championships, where you jumped a new state record of 127cm in high jump.

Being selected to represent the ACT at the school sport Athletics Championships in Tasmania, placing 12th nationally in high jump and narrowly missing Bronze in the 4x100 relay.

Receiving a recognition award from School Sport ACT  as a nominee to the All Rounder Award.

Going to Taylor Swift sold out ERAs tour in Sydney

Winning Best and Fairest at the 2023 Netball Presentation.

Winning the 2023 female achievement award for soccer.

Selected for school band in 2024 where you are learning Clarinet.

Dressing as Wednesday Adams for Halloween

You, Teuila, Ruby and Alicia after Leeton Touch

   You, in Launceston, TAS for school
sport Championships

Receiving your Recognition award at 
ACT School Sport awards

Touch ready with Teuila and Phoebe

The time of our lives at the ERAs tour 25th Feb 2024

12 years old, your first girlfriend and a first kiss_Happy Birthday Cooper

 Where as the time gone? Another lap around the sun and here you are turning 12! 

Still asking me to bake your cakes

I remember back to when you were turning 1, that first twelve months was a year of so many firsts; first steps, first words, first tooth, first Christmas. I feel like the firsts started to slow after that, but here we are again and the firsts are back. 

In the past 12 months you set of on your first school camp (Birragi), and your second (Jindabyne). You asked your first girlfriend out and had your first heart break when she broke up with you 3 months later because it was easier to be friends. Don't worry too much about it, you bounced right back a few weeks later with your second girlfriend and first kiss. You went to your first concert (Red Hot Chili Peppers)You had your first day of the last year of primary school. Your first best batsman trophy in cricket and sportsmanship award for little athletics. It's been a big year for you and I feel as though it's only getting bigger for here. 

I cant keep the food into you. You never stop eating, but you're also a thin as a rake; dangly, lanky and long. You are constantly out with mates, at sport, training or just out on your bike with mates on the street or at the skate park. Getting you to stay home is impossible if the weather is nice.

Another thing I cant get you to do is tidy you room or make your bed.

You had a great end to year 5 and have started our year 6 with an academic bang. You are however very ready to for the next step, for high school, for some more freedom. The tediousness of "daily five" "hot reads" "inquiry unit" and religion have you wanting to branch out in your learning. 

out of the dam with Bronte, Zoe and Jamo

You and Bronte before Yass
 street fair

You've excelled at sport again this year, but gosh I find it frustrating that you just wont practice to really get the edge. You have such natural athleticism, but you definitely don't have the drive your sister does. 

You've mellowed out with your siblings this year, practicing patience with Carter as he follows you around like a bad smell, and not baiting Zoe when you can see she's on the precipice of a breakdown. 

You still ask for me to put you to bed, allow me to cuddle you and let me in on silly jokes or riddles you've seen online. 

This year:

First Girlfriend: Bronte Brown (a lovely Yass girl, and a brilliant netballer)

First Kiss; Milla Shelton (your second girlfriend, who lived just down the road, I believe the kiss came about through a game of spin the bottle in our garage one afternoon, or so I'm led to believe)

Fav Song: I got you on my mind ~ Powderfinger

Fav Book: Hunger Games

Fav Movie: Grown ups 2

Food: Nachos

Favoutite subject at school: Maths

You play: AFL, Hockey, Athletics, Cricket

You love: Camping, swimming, video games and hanging out with mates

Your best mates: Liam, Lewis, Paxton, Nick

I wish I'd measured you, but I'd say you are around 162cm, you'll have me beat for height by the end of the year I'd say

Weight: around 40 kilo

LOVE YOU MATE..... ALWAYS.

p.s promise I haven't shared your text messages

 any further than this 💓 Mum x

Dearest Cooper, on your Primary School Graduation

 This hurts my heart, but at the same time it swells with pride. I cant believe we have reached this milestone as quickly as we have. In the thick of it all it seemed so long, but in a blink it's all over. As you know and can plainly se this big step for you is one that I have a hard time fighting my emotions with. Your Dad and I have done our very best to prepare you for this next chapter, for high school, for independent learning and learning from mistakes. We know that you'll grab this next step with both hands and smash it. 

We have loved watching your fierce friendships develop with your primary school mates, I love your brilliant questioning mind and how excited you can get over things that interest you while learning. We love your passion for sport, competition and how you care and include others. 

As you move on to this next chapter, please be patient with Dad and I. Remember that we have suffered through the teenage years, felt similar feelings, emotions and frustrations, though there's a key difference, we did it without social media, snap chat, instant video cameras and cyber bullying. We want you to always feel like no matter how big or small you think a worry or problem is that we will always listen. It'll be tempting for us to solve your problems, to tell you that none of it will matter in the future, to tell you what you should do, but we will try to first and foremost listen and try to let you navigate these things on your own. Trust yourself, you will know deep down what to do or say. 

There is nothing that you can say or do that will stop us loving, caring or protecting you so please keep talking to us about your life, your troubles, your goals and your mistakes. 

It'll be tempting for you to brake rules, to follow friends who may make the wrong choice and that's OK. That's all part of growing, but follow your instincts where you can, we've taught you right from wrong, you've proved to us that we can trust who you are, to do the right thing, please keep doing the right thing, even if it makes you unpopular for the briefest of moments. 

Promise me you'll never drink drive, never get into a car of someone who is drink driving, do whatever you can to stop your mates from making that mistake. Please don't vape or smoke. I'd say no hard drugs, but I feel like that's all part of life. Just be smart, make smart decisions and always call me if you feel like you might be in trouble. 

It hurts my heart mate that you grew so fast. Please be patient as I let go into the world, It's hard for mums. 

Our best mates, Liam and Em, Lewi and Vic

We are so proud of who you are

We are always here for you

We are always rooting for you

Work hard

Achieve your goals

and know that we love you and there is always someone who wants you to come back home. 

EDIT: attached is a photo of the letter you wrote us for your graduation. I thought it would be nice to have this saved here too. 

Over worked, stressed, stretched to the max, but sure I'll be the teams coach this year.......

 Have you ever seen the twitter by Lurkin'Mom that circulates the internet? 

This resonates with me immensely. As a full time working mum of 4 active kids I certainly shouldn't feel guilty if I don't stick my hand up to assist a club or team. I could be forgiven for just turning up dropping my kids at practice or the game and returning to collect them once its all done right? Then why do I have a such a hard time saying no? This year alone I have managed a Stage 2 cricket side, a Division 1 club hockey team, a U13s state championship hockey team, I've been the u10s age manager for a little athletics club, a touch team manager, a club netball team coordinator, a Rep netball team coach and an Associations registrar. This backs on to years of managing and coaching my kids teams across a variety of sports. so WHY? Why do I consistently put my hand up, when I am overwhelmed, exhausted, time poor, stressed and emotionally drained from balancing normal work life duties as a mum? 

A huge part of it is because there are so many people out there who wont do it, have no interest in doing it and would happily see the club fall apart before volunteering some of their time each week to help (oh but don't worry, they'll whine and complain about the way the clubs run, or that I could do XYZ better or that my kid is only selected because I'm involved in the club). I remember growing up and seeing my parents do the exact same thing, year in and year out because no one else would. Without them, without me, without these poor overworked parents sticking their hands up the clubs don't function and kids miss out.  I also want all my kids to know that I care and take an interest in their passions. Sure there are teams that probably think the same of me as I rush to kick one kid out the car door before rushing to be somewhere else for another child and that's where the guilt kicks in. The parents and club people of that sport probably look at me and think I don't care, I'm not invested, it's not like I can walk around with badges like a girl scout with all my extra curricular activities listed on the breast of my work clothes so that people can see I am involved. Maybe I'm on to something with that idea......

I don't know if its because I'm approaching 40, or if it's just something people do as they age but I've been thinking more around how nurture shaped who I am, and how I respond to things, and what I might need to do to actively not pass certain things on to my children through my parenting. I've started listening to this podcast by Esther Parel "where should we begin" and without going into too much details there's this concept around your family of origin being autonomy or loyalty. 

I was bought up in autonomy, set up to be self sufficient, seeing asking for help as a weakness, repeating things until I could do them successfully on my own. There was never a village to work through things, my parents also never had the luxury of family living close by, so as they struggled with working and raising kids, bringing them up to be independent and autonomous was essential. I never saw this as a negative early on. Through my 20s autonomy served me really well. I understood that I could do things on my own, that if I worked hard, was persistent,  I could achieve things without help, I never needed to rely on my partner or friends or family. Its only now as a mother struggling to understand how other parents can palm their kids off every other week and have wider family support and run kids around to things without feeling guilty do I realise that autonomy isn't always ideal. Simple things like when Simon asks if I need a hand with dinner or hanging laundry where I should say "YES" to ease the burden I say "NO" because I'm capable of doing it all by my self. Until I'm not. Until I've taken on to much, until I'm managing or coaching every team my kids are involved with. 

It all comes down to my deep ingrained belief that if I'm not filling every waking moment of my day with something productive that I'm lazy and I've come to realise this all stems from my upbringing. Never being able to sleep past 8am because I was wasting the day, never sitting for more than 30 minutes at a time because something needed doing, I should be helping someone with chores, or farm work or housework, never just having a moment to be still. I don't remember my parents ever telling me I was lazy, but I know there was just this general expectation to always be doing somethin, to be achieving something. To not waste time. So here I am at 39 unable to relax, unable to say no, unable to ask for help. It's actually ironic, because it's the man (my dad) who made sure I was never lazy and always doing something that often tells me to stop doing so much, to stop scheduling the kids activities, to stop being involved and give my self time to relax. I suppose as you get older you get better and being forced to slow down. 

So the question now is, has my parenting forged the way for this same burden on my kids? Is it too late to lean into "loyalty" for them? Can I fix this? I don't know....

For now, I'm going to start scheduling "down time" for my kids, time to be alone, relaxed. While I know they are capable, I'm going to help them with simple tasks so they know I'm always there for help. I'll allow myself time where the kids can see me doing nothing and know that sometimes doing nothing is OK. I'll say yes when their dad asks if I need help. I'll give them a mental health day a term, where they can just chose not to go to school, take a day and just chill at home. 

And kids, if you are ever reading this, please know I give you permission to say NO, to ask for help (even as an adult), to take a day every now and then and just be "lazy" .....  

Carter turns 6

 

My sweetheart baby boy Carter,

You're getting so big, stop growing up, you're 6 now and the little baby boy is slipping away.  What a year you have had. You smashed preschool and started kindy with such a bang. You have Miss Ruth this year, she was Masons teacher last year so its been interesting meeting with her and hearing how you're doing. Not that I ever compare the two of you but as you will already know, you are both so different. You are amazing, you listen and are super respectful in class. You show amazing leadership qualities and you are a wonderful friend. You are doing so amazing with your reading and writing and you love learning at school. You won another school award in term 1 and it's great to see how proud you are

You still love every ball sport ever, you take a basketball to school so you can "shoot hoops" at lunch time. You crack me up with how much you love to play and commentate your own plays. 

You love a cuddle, you still reach for my hand at every opportunity and you are full of kisses before bedtime. When things get too much for you I'll know because you still take yourself off for some alone time. 

 Your speech has really improved. We have finished up with therapy and you have found your voice not allowing people to speak over or for you any more. 

For you life right now is all about sports, friends, digging under rocks for gross bugs, drawing and colouring and marvel movies. Any one of those things makes you light up and you shine. 

Its so funny watching you play footy, you gravitate towards dummy half every single game, I think it frustrates me most when I see how hard you tackle Mason, Cooper and the neighbours and how considerate you are on the actual field, standoffish somewhat in defence, but boy you are fierce in attack.

You make me so proud, and I just adore you

Carter at 6:

• you are: 119.2cm tall
• you weigh 21.3 kilo
• Can you believe you still have all your baby teeth!
• you love: playing football in the front yard or vacant block, doing anything Cooper is doing
• your favourite food is: anything that Cooper likes, but also nachos, spag bol and home made pizza
• your best friend is Cooper but you've made some good friends at school (Jordan, Ethan), you love your footy mates too, Ollie and Toby in particular. 
• you hate: When Cooper just wants to play with his mates, Zoe bossing you around. when you have to play league tag and not tackle football
• Sweetest saying "when I am sleeping and I feel sick can i still cuddle you at night because I love you"
• Most memorable moment this year - oh buddy, you've had some huge moments this year, the sleep over with Dean and Adam, finishing speech therapy, being able to solo bodyboard on some pretty cool waves at Forster and kayaking to the island at Forster .

Mason's 6th birthday

So here we are at your 6th birthday. You've had an amazing year and I am loving this age with you. You come out with some absolutely cracking one liners and you love playing the clown. You have loved the move into kindy this year, you are engaged in your learning and your teacher tells me you continue to take on a leadership role among peers and listen and display respectful learning in class. Over the space of a term you have made leaps in your reading and writing and you really love maths. You received a merit award term 2 for your helpful nature and positive attitude which I love.

You are a busy, inquisitive and caring little boy. You spend your time turning over rocks to find creatures you beg me to keep as pets, playing with the kids in the street and snuggling up with me whispering sweet things like "I'll still love you when I'm old and even when I'm dead I'll love you from heaven". 

Your bond with Zoe continues to strengthen. The two of you are two little matched souls, fully of fire and spark but also an advocate for those who aren't as fierce as you are. You and Coop don't often see eye to eye, like Zoe your relationship with him is up and down but every now and then you come together and your face lights up.

The things I love most about you is just how sweet you can be. I mean man you are go go go all day, pushing everyones buttons, being an antagonistic little jerk face but despite all of that as I tuck you into bed you squeeze my body tight and tell me how much you love me. You are always checking in with me, reaching for my hand or finding any little free space to be touching me. 

Mason at 5:

• you are: 117cm tall
• you weigh 20.5 kilo
• Can you believe you still have all your baby teeth, I mean they are chipped all over from your rough play and shenanigans but they're all still there.
• you love: playing soccer or football in the front yard or vacant block, being the winner, going to kindy, and singing yourself to sleep.
• your favourite food is: hot chips but only if they have sauce. 
• your best friend is Carter, but you've made some good friends at school (Jaxson, Ethan), you love your footy mates too, Ollie and Toby in particular and Hegalo is a current favourite (Tueila's little brother).
• you hate: Food that doesn't have sauce. Bed time. 
• Funniest saying this year. While doing your homework you look at my hand writing to see the words I've asked you to practice and you look me in the eye, point to the words and say "at school, this is what they'd call quality work mum, great job"
• Most memorable moment this year - Probably having your cousins Dean and Adam sleep over and setting up beds in the lounge room and giggling all night.

10 years old Zoe, and here are all the things I need you to know:

Happy birthday beautiful girl, I cant believe how quickly this has come by and just how much you've grown up over this year. 

 

You're 10 now and we're starting to navigate through some hard lessons and learnings. There's a lot I need you to know now while you still listen to my thoughts and opinions, and this birthday blog is going to be just that, a list of all the important things I want you to cling to as you navigate the next few years. 

1. Don't be the pretty girl who just sits there, you have a voice, use it, be the girl who runs the world

2. It's far more important what's on the inside than what's on the outside - don't waste all your time perfecting the outside and neglecting your insides 

3. I will love you and be here for you until my last breath, you can always turn to me

4. People will put you down, talk behind your back and make you feel insignificant and small, don't let them ruin you, don't let them change who you are

5. Use your voice, be unfiltered and loud

6. Nobody knows what they are doing 100% of the time, don't expect that you should either

7. Make many mistakes, but always learn from them

8. Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve

9. Pick your battles

10. Don't make yourself smaller because of others insecurities, their insecurities are their problem not yours. 

If you can take these things and remember them every day then the next few years may just be a little kinder to you. You are such an amazing kid Zoe, you have a spark in you that shines so brightly and I never want to see it dull. 

You've really come into your own this year, you still struggle with being the only girl but having a good group of friends around the street and from netball has helped you worry less about inclusivity with Cooper and the twins. 

You still love to compete, making zone for swimming this year was a real surprise and you did so well. Cross country and Athletics is just around the corner again for school and you're really excited about that. This year both Teulia and yourself tied for the merit award at athletics, the two of you outshine everyone else in your age group and it's probably time we think about moving you back into Canberra for competition if you are still as keen about it next season, though I know you've made some lovely little friends at the stormers. 

Netball has really helped our relationship, the forced 1:1 time you get from me while we are at carnivals has really been good for us, surprisingly you are even liking having me as your coach this year. 

 You changed soccer clubs this year, Mum is still insisting you don't change to all girls teams and first game in you showed the team what you're made of. Despite you confiding in me  you were nervous because you "didn't think you were one of the best players in this team" you kicked a goal and stuck with them. This team will grow your confidence, you'll learn more and it's clear to them now that you can and will keep up with the boys. 

Academically you are smashing it, you've gained so much confidence through changing schools and you've caught right up to where you should be and more. Getting you to read is still like pulling teeth though you do occasionally pick up a book for fun.

You still love the beach, and body boarding every chance you get. This is probably where you feel closest to Coop, out in the surf where it's just you two catching waves and looking out for one another. Holidays with you guys are so wonderful now. 

You're learning having to navigate through unwanted attention from boys. You have more than a few admirers (or so you tell me and honestly who can blame them) and you just aren't there with admiring them like that yet. You are learning that being honest about your feelings is important and setting good friendship boundaries can be hard when someone "likes" you.  You don't let silly school yard crushes stop you from being who you are or stop you from doing what you want to do. Don't ever let that change.

Nothing about you is timid, your tenacity is my favourite thing about you. I love you Zoe. you honestly make me proud every single day. Happy double digit birthday.

You Love: Your friends, netball carnivals, being active, drawing and time with family

Your Best friends are: Teuila, Emmy, Ruby, and Alicia

You play: Athletics, Soccer and Netball and you are still smashing goals with each of them

Your Favourite food is: tuna mornay. 

You hate: Not being able to do the things Coop can because he is older

You want to be: an Athlete and a singer

You have: lost 8 teeth - still holding out on braces for now.

The most memorable events for you: Winning Players Player for the u11 white netball team at the end of 2022. Getting your own little ATM card. Having a go on a biscuit behind a boat on the lake, Stand up paddle boarding with friends at a party and coming top 10 state wide (ACT) for cross country. 

You are:   136.2cm tall

You weight: 30 kg